Fear vs Fear

I was reading about RAD or what is called reactive attachment disorder. This is when a child has severe
emotional problems due to a lack of bonding with the mother in the early formative years and as an infant.
These children can be violent and some have injured and even killed other family members and children.
Children who come out of orphanages can be prone to this problem. Sometimes love is not going to be
enough.

My greatest fear in pursuing this adoption is the fact that my wife and I have three biological children. They are
sweet and sensitive and loving. I love these little girls and the realization that our decision to bring three post-
institutionalized children into our home could place them at risk is terrifying. As I am writing this I can say the
fear is almost consuming.

After reading the above you may ask, “how can you proceed? You may be calling me reckless. Or maybe, you
may want to quote from the Bible “God does not give the spirit of fear.” Well I am lying next to my 22 month old
and have just finished reading about several children who have harmed other children and I am scared.

So, should I quit? I must answer no! The reason I will not quit is that God calls on us to fear him. In Proverbs
14:27 we read: He who fears the LORD has a secure fortress, and for his children it will be a refuge. Some
people like to whitewash this fear of God. This is a FEAR of God. I know the passion to provide a family for
these prospective children is real and of God. I know that I am commanded in James 2:15-17 to care for the
needs of the orphans. I FEAR what God might do to me and my family if I ignore this passion and His
commands.

We read in Matthew 25:34-46 about helping the orphans and the other “least” members of society. As
Christians we like to read the first part of this passage but conveniently skip the last part. In verses 41-46 we
read about the man who is damned to eternal separation because he hadn’t helped the “least” or lowest. I
am in no way suggesting a works-based salvation, I am simply stating that the failure to follow God’s
commands can have grave consequences. When we choose to let our own fears win out over our fear of God
and obedience to Him we place our entire future at risk.

I believe that as Martin Luther was nailing his 95 theses to the church door and is quoted as saying, “Here I
stand! God help me! I can do no other!” he was displaying how the fear of God won out over the fears of man.
Luther saw the consequences: loss of prestige, loss of safety, loss of money, and more and more loss. But
Martin Luther had a greater fear. Martin saw the need for a desperate change in the church commanded by
God and knew he was to act as a change agent and his fear of what God might do to him if he did not speak
up drove him to those church doors.

The uncertainty and fear of adoption is scary. We have no guarantees. Sometimes, I wish I hadn’t seen the
need of the orphans. But I have. I must move forward because my faith commands and my fear of God
demands it. God has promised that He is a Strong Fortress and He will provide refuge to His children. I wish
He also promised that it would be easy.

Much like Martin Luther I am forced to this statement:

“God help me! Here I stand! I can do no other!

Steve

Altogether Fitting and Proper

“It is altogether fitting and proper that we should do this.”--Abraham Lincoln 11/19/1863

This line was a part of Abraham Lincoln’s famous Gettysburg Address. This address was delivered in about
two minutes. Abraham Lincoln was a late addition to the speaking list as an afterthought but what he said
has become one of the most recognizable and moving speeches of all times. There were many long-winded
speeches that November day but the brevity and conciseness off Lincoln’s speech is the only one that is
remembered.

Much like the Gettysburg battlefield dedication people can make long-winded and deep hours long
dissertations on adoption, attachment, parenting, and the cost. Pictures can be shown and arguments can
be made for certain types of adoption. The discussion though can be simplified. “It is altogether fitting and
proper that we should do this.” Caring for the poor, sick and orphans is clearly commanded by God in James
2:15-17 “If a brother or sister be naked and in lack of daily food, and one of you say unto them, Go in peace, be
ye warmed and filled; and yet ye give them not the things needful to the body; what doth it profit? Even so faith,
if it have not works, is dead in itself.”

James is clear that caring for the orphaned and poor is of God. The next question becomes what should the
model be for caring for the orphans. The clearest model for dealing with “lost children” or orphans is the
model God uses for us, those who have been reconciled to Him. In Galatians 4:4-6 Jesus was sent from the
Father so that we could become the “adopted sons of God.” It was because of the sacrifice of Jesus that we
can call God our “Abba” or daddy.

There is a promise given in John chapter 14 that Jesus was going to prepare a place for [us]. In verse 3
Jesus says that he will “receive [you] unto himself.” The Biblical model is clear. Jesus was not going to
prepare an orphanage for us so we could be institutionalized in “Heaven” and have God as our orphanage
director. He didn’t say he was building a foster home so that St. Peter or St. Paul could be our foster parents.
Jesus went to prepare a place for us the adopted sons of God. He went to prepare a place for us to be
comforted. Jesus came to earth as a child, suffered death through the crucifixion and was resurrected so that
we could call God our daddy. The model God chose for us was adoption.

There are 143,000,000 orphaned children according to the United Nations. The model God has chosen for
you and me forces us to ask the question: “What should be the model we use when dealing within orphaned
children?”

Steve Eimers

Dinner: Ukrainian Style

Dinner, Ukrainian Style

Well, I mentioned that we had the privilege of being invited for dinner at the home of a Ukrainian family here in Knoxville this past Monday night... It's friday now and so I suppose if I am going to tell you about it, now is the time!

We really had a great time. I mean it. They were so friendly and Vera, the lady of the house, speaks quite good English. Her husband, Alex, has improved greatly in his ability to communicate in English since Steve first met him! They have five kids who were hidden somewhere in the house for most of the time but appeared sometime later in the evening. Beautiful kids. And our kids were so well behaved, well...except that despite our 'talk' in the car on the way over, Annette refused to try the Borscht! She missed out, though!

Vera served us a veritable feast and kept insisting that we eat more! We had Borscht, mashed potatoes, pork, Palmanyee (that's as close as I can get to spelling it in English) which is a kind of meat filled dumpling. There was also a pretty three-tiered serving tray with a tomato and cucumber salad on the lowest level, fruits and something else I can't remember in the middle and chocolates and Baklava on the top. Oh, slices of white bread with the fruit.

Now, normally, Steve avoids anything with potatoes (except fried), cucumbers, cabbage or tomatoes. So I was wondering how he'd enjoy the meal. We have been joking among ourselves about how we will be in Ukraine all this time and those are some of the main staples there!! But I'll tell you what-- We both raved about it all the way home! It was so good!!!

Steve ate all his soup, and had seconds and was pressured into thirds--not because he didn't like it but because we were both getting full! He really loved the dumplings and I think he even ate some mashed potatoes but I'm not sure. Of course, except for the tomatoes which were easy to avoid, I love all those foods and assume that is what I will eat in Heaven!

I loved seeing how the culture was different from ours. There was Babooshka in the kitchen cooking and taking care of Deodooshka (Grandfather). Vera and Alex called him Otyets (Father) and so I don't know his real name but he was my favorite! He wandered through where we were every once in a while and said stuff we couldn't understand and grinned, gold tooth gleaming. I think he was trying to show off some English but he was timid and mumbled and I couldn't understand a thing! Seriously, I wanted to hug him!

Before we left, I went to the kitchen door and waited while Vera packaged me up some borscht and dumplings and insisted that I must take some home. Babushka was there washing dishes and I wanted to help but got the impression that that wasn't something to offer. I did tell her the the food was "Ochin Khurasho!" (very good) and she smiled and nodded, pleased but unable to reply. I guess she suspected (correctly) that those were the few words I knew!

And I have to tell you that after the meal we went in the Living room and watched a few clips of DVDs that they have of some of the work Vera has done with an organization that ministers to the orphanages there. Very touching stuff. One that I that I can't help but mention was of a project to reunite siblings who were adopted apart. They had several groups of children but the children did not know what was happening. They were told to sit at a dinner table and when they did, they found that across the table would be their missing brother/sister. The one that was so precious was a girl, probably about 8, who looked up from her plate and saw her brother across the table and she just started sobbing with joy. She reminded me of Hannah. That is just what she might do. So precious. What these children have been through in their short little lives is unfathomable.

Really. My life is such a cakewalk. I have never been beaten or purposely burned, raped by a relative in my own home, or ripped from my family and sent to live in an institution. I have never been so poor that we could only afford my father's liquor or had to go to bed hungry, again.

You know, this is one of the reasons we are adopting. Because, in the grand scheme of things, any reasons not to are so shallow. Not enough room, not enough time, where would we keep that much more stuff?, they aren't biologically ours, money, etc... Do you see? They are all reasons that challenge our comfort, the bubble of "perfect-ness" that we have created for ouselves. Us, OURselves, Me, My.... If I have the capability to be a forever home for these children, how can I say that my "quality of life" is more important? God has sacrificed so much for us. Jesus certainly paid a price for my adoption into His family. How can I do any less? And you know what? What greater joy is there than to do the will of God?

This whole thing is ups and downs, joy and elation, but throughout every step we have joy. From deep within. From Him. And I am filled with Love for these children whom I don't even know yet. They're a gift. Not an obligation. Not a charity but a labor of love. It won't be a cakewalk, but it is a very worthy endeavor, for now and especially for eternity.

Melissa

Archive Post: Is It Really That Bad?

Is it really that bad?

I was recently asked if the outcomes for orphans who graduate are really as bad as our video shows. Statistics involving child exploitation are very difficult to pin down exactly due to the nature of the crime.

Ukraine has made great strides in the last few years and in some cases where good organizations like HisKidsToo, Samaritan's Purse and others are working the statistics are better. But the facts are there are over 700 orphanages in Ukraine and thousands of children graduate this system every year with no resources and turn to a life of crime, glue sniffing, and prostitution.

The saddest part is that many of these children end up on the computer screens of Americans on an alarming basis. The Buffalo News did an incredible story recently and I would encourage you to read it here.

This story will compete for a Pulitzer!

I wish the outcomes were happy for Eastern European orphans but more often than not they are not.

Steve

Archive Post: Quick Thoughts

Quick thoughts

We have tickets with United Airlines leaving Knoxville on December 7th and arriving at Kyiv Ukraine on December 8th.

We are under $10,000 needed to complete the adoption and seeing God work on a daily basis.

I have added a page answering about why we need a dentist referred here.

We have been purchasing stuff for the trip and I went ahead and purchased an American football and a rest of the world football (aka soccar ball) to take with us to the orphanage.

Tourist stops I would like to make include Chernobyl (not up close), Crimea, and Odessa. Not sure I will make any but who knows!

I am still planning on taking a swim in the Black sea even though it will be December. I may never make it back!

We will probably be switching the website to a blogger hosted account soon because it makes it easier to post pictures, video, and allows easier comments. I hope to start answering some of the many questions asked soon.

Very busy here.

Steve

Archive Post: Two Milestones Reached

This week we have reached two milestones on our journey. The first is that we have finally booked our airline tickets and the second is that we have now gone under the ten thousand dollar mark in our funds needed category!

I'll have Steve post later about the airline details. I know some of you are interested in the details since you are getting ready to do the same thing!

As for the money...Praise God! and thank you to all of you who have been so generous and self-sacrificing. Your gifts mean far more that you'll ever know.

Balshoi spaceeba! (Russian for "Huge Thank You!")

M.

Archive Post: Entry for October 15, 2007

Lists of things to be thankful for...

I enjoy lists! Do you? I like the feeling of getting to cross items off and knowing immediately what to do next. But I have never left the country and certainly not for over a month! So making this list is the tricky part for me!

Steve is constantly list-making lately; lists of outdor projects, people to contact, indoor projects and even a wish-we-could-do list!

Less than two months!! I'm so excited. Can you believe it!?

I am not even worrying about the finances. I admit that I was, but every time I started getting discouraged, I felt ashamed of myself when God showed up!

Steve has had quite a few of his customers give him gifts of $50 or $100 because the heart he has for these kids is just contageous! Then we were at Shoney's for breakfast a while back and the couple sitting at the next table over struck up a conversation with us. The girls told them that we were adopting three children and they wanted to hear all about it so we visited awhile and then gave them a prayer card. Out in the parking lot, the man drove up beside us and got out and handed us $100 through the window! And just yesterday, a friend passed along a $100 gift from a mutual friend of ours whom I haven't seen several years. So, I am not worried. He owns the cattle on a thousand hills and He will provide! Praise be! and this is just a small sampling. Steve's parent's church members have sent us gifts as well. These are people whom we don't know but who love the Lord and care about the children and just want to help! So instead of being anxious, I want to keep remembering to be extremely grateful--to those who have reached out to us who do not know us or just want to show their love and support, and especially for whom the gift was a sacrifice financially or their time and energy. And I have not forgotten all those of you who express your love through prayer! Because I am most thankful to God who is the Great Orchestrator of this abundance of blessings!

Thank you all so much!

Now off to tackle the lists...

Melissa

Archive Post: !!!!!DATE!!!!!

Yep, I'll be needing to do my Christmas shopping early!

Our appointment date in Ukraine is
.....Drum roll, please................December 11!!!!

Who knows what will happen because of the holidays but it seems a pretty sure thing that by Christmas we will be with our newest little ones! Now I get to start the list making....who am I kidding? I already have!!

Thank you for waiting with me! Now don't leave. I love your comments! They are so encouraging to us.

Melissa

Archive Post: Blogger's Giving me troubles --and other stuff

Still no word on an appointment. We aren't expecting to hear anything until at least this afternoon going by our facilitator's pattern of emailing.

Also, I can't seem to log into blogger. (for those of you who watch our other site, www.theeimers.blogspot.com) Every time I try to sign in or post a comment to any of you, the connection "times out" and I lose it. Very frustrating; especially since I often do very "wordy" comments! Anyway, I am still watching your news but I am just reduced to "lurking". I can't post on my own site either (just this one) since I can't sign in. The problem seems to be with Blogger since "waiting for blogger to reply" is where it keeps getting hung up. Anyway, now you know.

All that said, if we get the news of an appointment date before the Blogger thing is resolved, this is the only blog that will have the news; so our faithful friends, relatives and/or prayer warriors here will be the only ones in "The Know"

And, yes, I do think it's because you're special!

Keep praying. No news on "news days" is a killer! We just really want to be able to plan!!! I mean, would it kill me to do my Christmas shopping now in case I'll be gone then? No, of course not. But it would be nice to know if I have to or not!!

I know, I know--the spiritually correct thing to say is, "All in God's timing"!

I will say that I do believe that he will work it all out for His Glory. And for that, I am proud to be a part of His plan, but I also know that there are many instances where His timing wasn't executed. Not because we can thwart His plan while He watches helplessly from the Heavens (not even close!), but I don't know why He allows what He allows, knowing what He knows. I trust His sovereignty and since this is all for Him, that is my comfort.

Still Waiting and Praying,

M.

Archive Post: Entry for October 5, 2007

Yep....Still waiting..... Any day now!

Keep us in your prayers. This waiting thing is sometimes discouraging and sometimes not so much, but the longer it takes, the harder the wait. Please pray that we will "wait upon the Lord"....happily.

M.

Archive Post: Entry for September 26, 2007

[whiney voice and sound of me slapping my forhead]:

Ohhhh, Ma-a-a-a-a-n....

I was off by a week!

Steve told me this morning that next week is the 6-week mark, not this week!

I'm still going to constantly be checking the email! I can't help it! I even fixed it so that whenever we get an email from Valentina, our computer will make a big noise. :-)
Melissa

Archive Post: Entry for September 25, 2007

Well, I am checking the email every chance I get: It is very likely that we will hear of our appointment this week!! I suppose that if we don't, we will be concerned. This is the six-week mark that has recently become the norm depsite the fact that they are supposed to respond within 20 business days. We were hoping it would speed up with the passing of summer and the end of the vacation season but so far, apparently not!

Anyway, just wanted to let you know what's up. This whole thing seems to move in fits and starts. (is that how that expession goes? I know what it means, but it doesn't make any sense at face value)
At any rate, we're still here!

Melissa

Archive Post: Half Way and Day 21

We have moved to having more cash on hand to cash needed to complete the adoption. We now have $11,900.00 in savings and $11,600.00 to go. We are now on business day 21 of our 2o day wait but that is not abnormal. The SDA has been taking upwards of 30 business days and that would put us on the day after the parliamentary elections so whow knows! Progress is being made but the entire process is characterized by mad sprints followed by even more maddening waits.

Steve

Archive Post: Prayer Cards

Prayer Cards

Well, so that we have something to talk about while we wait to post the news of an appointment date, I thought I'd tell you all that we've had prayer cards made up! Steve owns a window cleaning business, as many of you know, and he traded services with a friend who is a photographer and who was able to help us design the cards.

Our cards should be ready in the next week or so. If you read our blog but would also like a prayer card to help you remember to pray or even to share with others, then please email us with your address and we would be happy to put one (or more) in the mail to you! If you are a family member, don't bother--you're getting one whether you want one or not! HeHe.

Thanks for praying already, as so many of you do.

Need I tell you again? Probably not--but, Hey!, it's my blog!--

I am sooo excited to meet these children soon and bring them home! What a blessing!

Love to you all,

Melissa

Ps. OOPS! Forgot the email address: seimers@adelphia.net

Archive Post: Very Good News!

Do you ever just feel like dancing?!! (Okay, you Baptists don't have to admit it. *wink,wink*)

Last November, we made the decision to go ahead and pursue this adoption. January saw us begin the paperwork, then February, March, April... In May, we were finally able to send the dossier (paperwork) to the translator in Ukraine. In June, we sent updated papers for the expiring ones we had done back in January. July was spent eagerly anticipating getting submitted and then, in early August we were told it probably wouldn't happen untill after the September elections....

But....

WE"RE IN!!!

We went to the bank the other day to get 27--yes, 27 documents notarized! we were trying to get all of September and October's documents updated at once to save the shipping fees. Steve forgot to go to an appointment about updating our backround checks (saved $75). He got online to look up something about the paperwork and saw in the email this message:



Hi, Steve!

Finally good news – we managed to submit your dossier today. ... it’s there and in about a month or so your dossier will get its registration number and an appointment date (usually now within 3 months).

Best regards,

Valentina

Steve wept. My jaw dropped. We were totally not expecting this! This puts our travel time likely to be over the holidays. probably most of December and some of January. We are soooo thrilled!

Now, this doesn't mean you can stop praying but you can surely add a praise to your list!!!

Thanks for lifting us and these children up to God in prayer. It means so much!

Melissa

Ps. If you need a reminder or just want to know how the prcess goes from here, click on this link to our family blog where I have it all listed:

http://theeimers.blogspot.com/2007/08/whats-next.html

Archive Post: Yard Sale Complete!

Baked goods at the yard sale. My mom also put out coolers of sweet tea and water just for free drinks because it was so hot. I had made cupcakes and brownies and sold all but one brownie and 3 cupcakes...well four, I guess, I forgot about the one Ivy swiped. It is hard to resist sprinkles and icing when you're two years old!

Yard Sale

I am sooooooo glad to be done! I am beat and a bit sunburnt, but our yard sale raised 250+ dollars and Hannah raised over $20 of it herself with her little entreprenurial streak that I am sure she has inherited from her dad! I guarantee she didn't get it from me!

Hannah had the idea to do a magic show but since she only has one trick that she can do really well, ( disappearing coin) so she did that one over and over free of charge for each and every customer all day long. She even made herself a jar marked "donations" or as Annette said, "Dalmations". She loved the opportunity to help us get her brothers and/or sisters and I loved seeing her do her little performances!

Thank you to the several of you who donated items for sale! I feel so good to have my garage back!!! Yahooo! So glad to be done. (or did I mention that?) Yard Sales surely are a whole lot of work!

By the way, this week also brought another generous gift! This time from one of Steve's customers! You know who you are....Thank you sooo much!

I am not kidding but Steve woke up that day feeling so down about this money thing. We had just heard from another adoptive family their report of expenditures--it was a lot. Somewhat more than we had expected. I think they spent a bit more freely that we will but still.....Anyway, that day--that day---Steve's dad called to say that this donation had been made. Let me tell you: it was the same way last time we were feeling discouraged. God keeps looking after us. What blessings he gives!

Archive Post: Yard Sale!

I don't know who this guy in that picture is, I just liked the photo and swiped it for this post. Hope he did well selling all that stuff though. It looks like prime college-guy furnishings there...

Well, we have a bunch of money to raise! Nothing new there! Maybe you've noticed that the thermometer on the home page has marked more funds received (praise!!) but also more funds required! ( Eeek! ) How did that happen? I guess that is the nature of international adoption. Aaargh! (Aaargh. Is that a word handed down to us from the pirates or did the modern pirate legends steal it from the Charlie Brown Peanuts comic strips? Such an appropriate way to express in a few letters both frustration and something else...not quite sure what...) Anyway, with the extra days there in Ukraine for the passport thing comes extra expense. We are looking at the possibility of making two trips or perhaps one of us staying and one coming home for a bit. That would be nice in a way. We'll wait and see what works for others, though.

At any rate, no matter how this cashes (what an appropriate word) out, we need more dough! Lots of it! So we are planning a yard sale for August 18th. If you live in the area and have anything to donate, please let us know! Also, put a word in for us in your prayertime for the weather that weekend, if you don't mind! ;-)

No new news on the dossier; I guess it didn't make it in this week. Not that we were expecting it to. We always hope, though.

Melissa

Archive Post: 10 more days in the Ukrainian sunshine

Well certain opponents of adoption in Ukraine have struck again!

They have added another 10 day waiting period for passports. This new wait is in addition to another 10 day wait period for the finalization of the court decree. Our stay will now likely be over 40 days. I thought when I re-did our budget yesterday I was set now we need to plan for another $1,000 in cost!

Many anti-adoption rules have been implemented this year without legislation and that clearly violate the civil rights of Ukraine's most vulnerable citizens. These young orphans have a right to be registered for adoption, a right to be offered for adoption, and a RIGHT TO BE ADOPTED. Please pray that the elections of September 30 will be favorable to the Ukrainian orphans and that the wild disregard to their rights will stop.

Steve

Archive Post: Status Update

Melissa has been doing most of the posting but I thought I would share a few things. First of all Ukraine is still crawling along and not much is getting done! Tonight I finished up an expense log of our adoption thus far. Here are a few highlights:

Total costs of adoption: $32,735.04

This has slowly (quickly I mean) been climbing as time keeps dragging and in addition the American dollar is extremely weak and this is causing prices to climb.

Total costs paid to date: $9,235.04 of which $7,911.77 has been paid in cash and $1,323.27 is a non-interest acruing debt to our first aka fired MD.

Total cash on hand: $10,684.39

In addition, we have purchased a vehicle and made improvements to our current home that will accomidate the size of our new family amounting to $7,013.87. We have saved the funds needed to cover the lost income for the 4-6 weeks we are in Ukraine. At this time we are $12,815.61 short of what we will need to complete the adoption.

I would ask you to pray that these three needs will be met:

1. The $12,815.61 will be provided to complete the adoption of these lost children.
2. That we can find a dentist who will choose to partner with us to help bring our adopted children's teeth up to where they should be when we return.
3. Most of all please pray for our children who are in a desperate and untenable position and and that the SDA in Ukraine will accept our dossier.

Thanks,

Steve

Archive Post: Entry for August 1, 2007

I saw this quote on the blog of an adoption friend today. She wrote it over a year ago and I am not sure if it was original with her but I will give her credit anyway!

"A child doesn't have to grow under your heart to grow in your heart."
-Leslie L.

Thanks, Leslie for this little phrase. I think I will put it in a picture frame or something. We are still waiting for word of submission. I guess it didn't happen this week...there is always next week!