It is 9:35 pm and it is Christmas in Ukraine. We were sitting in church this evening and I had to catch myself from breaking down. Annette, my 4-year-old daughter, was running her fingers through my hair.
When I was in Moldova, I wanted to absorb every last experience. I wanted to be first out and last in the van and I am sure at times I got on some nerves. I didn't want to spend one second less than I could with the kids. There was one young girl in an orphanage outside Cahul, Moldova who just grabbed my heart. She kept running her fingers through my hair and just sat and held my hand for the longest time.
One of the things I heard at this orphanage was that the kids were "special needs" and nobody would want one like these. They were right, I want three!
We started this with mostly altruistic intentions but I don't know how now to express the consuming desire to meet my children, to protect my children, and to love my children whoever, wherever and whatever they are. I feel I understand God's desire for a relationship with us, His adopted children, better now. I long for a relationship with desperate, pitiful, and in the eyes of most men, worthless children. I am willing to sacrifice my time, my treasure, and whatever else necessary to complete the passion God has given us.
Tonight has been more difficult than I expected knowing our kids are somewhere in Eastern Europe facing desperate odds and an unpredictable future.
Please pray specifically for the children God has planned for us that they will be safe and protected until we can assume responsibility for them. That the paperwork and process will be completed in a timely and efficient manner. That the "ransom" will be provided. That our children will bond with our family and be able to cope with their losses.
I keep being drawn to the words of two great theologians: Garth Brooks and Martin Luther. The first being "Life is not tried, it's just merely survived if you are standing outside the fire" and the second, "God help me, here I stand, I can do no other."