Loved Already

Covenant Adoption vs. Legal Adopion

2010-10-25T09:26:00.000-07:00

What is adoption? This is a compilation put together from two definitions; adoption is a legal action that voluntarily brings a child into one’s family. (1) Adoption as we know it is a legal arrangement. It is usually administered by the courts usually with direction from various government bureaucrats. When looked at like this adoption is a rather sterile subject.

Unfortunately, too many people treat adoption as nothing more than a legal action. Some people when the going gets tough, they just go. In one notorious case an adoptive mother in Tennessee placed her son, Artyom, on a plane to Moscow and abandoned him to the Russian government. (2) Many other adoptive children have been abused, abandoned, and even murdered by the hands of their new adoptive parents. (3)

One of the deeper issues that adopted children struggle with is permanence. "Will I be sent back?" Vitali, our youngest son, early on would often ask when we were going to the “Detsky Dom,” the Russian word for orphanage. I finally got the Russian translation of "You are never, never, never going back to the orphanage. Mama and Papa are your parents and they love you and you are going to live with them forever." Vitali just smiled the biggest ear to ear grin when he heard this.

I can't help but think of the passage from Psalm 103:12 "As far as the east is from the west He has removed our transgressions from us." For the Christian it is only through the death of Christ that we never, never, never have to face the consequences of our sin.

In Jeremiah 31:31-34 we are given the New Covenant:

"The time is coming," declares the LORD, "when I will make a new covenant with the house of Israel and with the house of Judah. It will not be like the covenant I made with their forefathers when I took them by the hand to lead them out of Egypt, because they broke my covenant, though I was a husband to them," declares the LORD. "This is the covenant I will make with the house of Israel after that time," declares the LORD. "I will put my law in their minds and write it on their hearts. I will be their God, and they will be my people.(NIV)

The good news of this New Covenant is the Gospel of Jesus Christ. God of very God, became flesh, lived a perfect life, died on a cross, was buried in a borrowed tomb, rose from the dead on the third day, ascended into heaven and sits at the right hand of God the Father so that we may have eternal life by placing our faith in the Messiah. The Christian was totally lost in his sin prior to reconciliation with the Father. In Romans 8 we read that is only through spiritual adoption that we are joint heirs with the Christ.

So what is the New Covenant? For starters it is an agreement; a non-revocable agreement between God and man. What makes this covenant better than prior covenants God gave man is that it changes our nature. God actually writes His law on the believer’s heart. The New Covenant provides for forgiveness of sin and eternal life with God the Father. The New Covenant is eternal adoption.

There are approximately 150,000,000 orphaned children worldwide. (4) There is a growing adoption movement in the Christian church to minister to these children by following the biblical mandate to care for the orphan. Recently the Wall Street Journal (5) and CBS News (6) have even taken note of this phenomenon. The world is watching us. As we bring these children into our families I would like to see the church take a new view of adoption based on a covenant.

When we bring these children into our homes at this point it is by a legal arrangement. In light of this understanding of the New Covenant I would like to propose Christians approach the earthly adoption of children in a new manner. Let us as we bring these children into our homes offer them a covenant of adoption. I would like to see the creation of a ceremony based on a binding pledge before God to the adopted child. I imagine most families already have acknowledged this in their hearts but I would like to see it formalized. We need to show our children and the world that this is REAL and we are serious and fully committed to caring for the orphan.

I would love your feedback. Here is a verbal pledge I have put together:

I __________, an adoptive son/ daughter of God the Father through the New Covenant, love you ___________ and in obedience to the command of God to care for the orphans through the power of the Holy Spirit, I adopt you as my son/ daughter. I pledge to raise you in a home based on Christian values and train you in the ways of God. I will provide for your material needs. When you cry I will be there to hold you. When you fall I will pick you up. I am your father/mother and there is nothing you must offer me. I love you unconditionally and nothing you say or do will stop that love. I understand that you will struggle with issues from your past and I will help you overcome these through the grace of God. I promise to listen and answer your questions with honesty and integrity. Your name is_____________ you are my son/daughter. I pray that you will accept my love and become a man/ woman of God. I covenant today to do all this before God and men in the name of the Father, the Son and the Holy Spirit. Amen!

An additional benefit is there are times when legal adoption is not possible but covenant adoption is always possible. Any input?

Steve

(1) The Free Dictionary by Farlex http://www.thefreedictionary.com/adoption and Merriam Webster Online Dictionary http://www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/adopt

(2) Tennessee Adoption Angers Russia After Woman Sends Boy 7, Home, Memphis Commercial Appeal, Nataliya Vasilyeva and Kristin M. Hall, http://www.commercialappeal.com/news/2010/apr/10/tenn-adoption-angers-russia

(3) Adoption Season For Evangelicals, Wall Street Journal, Naomi S. Riley, http://online.wsj.com/article/SB10001424052748703743504575494263102089970.html

(4) 150,000,000 estimated orphans based on 143,000,000 orphans in the developing world according to UNICEF’s 20004 report Children on the Brink plus estimates of children in North America and Europe. http://www.unicef.org/publications/cob_layout6-013.pdf

(5) Forever Family Forever Dead http://bastardette.blogspot.com/2005/08/forever-family-forever-dead-memoriam.html

Evangelicals Start Adoption Push, CBS News, Joel Roberts, http://www.cbsnews.com/stories/2007/05/03/national/main2757240.shtml?source=RSSattr=U.S._2757240

The Christian Response to Paying a Bribe in Adoption

2010-10-19T16:18:00.000-07:00

So often we live our Christian lives without thinking. I have often heard a person say ‘it is never right to do wrong to do right.’ They are, in fact, using this as a trump card to end discussion. The truth is they are actually making two statements. The first is that it is not proper to sin to do right. The second is that the thing being discussed is sin. The first statement is true. The second may or may not be true. Too often we simply let this cliché theological statement end the debate. It should not. The second implied statement needs to be explored.

One example I would like to deal with is that during an adoption paying expediting fees/ bribes/ or exploitation fees are morally wrong or sin. When I was initially beginning the process of bringing my three sons into our family I was firmly in the above camp. Then something happened. Through a series of miraculous events I ended up on an airplane next to a missionary from Ukraine who had been involved in helping resolve an international incident. We spoke about expediting fees and I firmly said ‘I’m not going to pay ANY of those BRIBES!’ His response shocked me. This ‘Christian’ man said “Why?”

I was unprepared. I had my cliché but I didn’t have a reason for believing it. My entire view on this subject was based on a feeling and the group-think of like-minded Christian people. He challenged me to search the Bible and see what God actually said about bribes. When I actually looked at what the Bible said I was forced to change my view.

Over the last few years as I have advocated for orphans I have been alarmed at how some Christians have allowed a flawed view of what is right when a corrupt judge or bureaucrat denies justice unless a bribe is paid effect how they respond. I have seen some prospective parents thinking themselves doing the ‘right thing’ make a choice with tragic consequences. Too often Christian prospective adoptive parents let an uninformed cliché drive their decisions.

I have concluded that paying expediting fees to facilitate an adoption is morally right and not paying them when demanded is wrong. I am including the following apologetic below to prove my conclusion.

Demanding a bribe is wrong. Paying one is not.

Exodus 23: 8 provides a clear understanding about bribes. In the NIV we read ‘Do not accept a bribe, for a bribe blinds those who see and twists the words of the righteous.’

2 Chronicles 9:7 shows us God’s command for judges related to bribes. In the NLV it reads ‘Fear the LORD and judge with integrity, for the LORD our God does not tolerate perverted justice, partiality, or the taking of bribes.’ Once again the command is about demanding a bribe not paying the bribe.

In Proverbs 17, we see examples of paying a bribe and the receiving of the bribe. In verse 8 we read: ‘A bribe is a charm to the one who gives it; wherever he turns, he succeeds.’ Just 15 verses later in Proverbs 17:23 we read: ‘A wicked man accepts a bribe in secret to pervert the course of justice.’ In this chapter we see the payer of the bribe is ‘successful’ but the receiver of the bribe is ‘wicked.’

What Christ said about being exploited

During the Sermon on the Mount Jesus told us what we should do when somebody is trying to exploit us. In Matthew 5:39-41 we see the words of the Messiah:

But I tell you, do not resist an evil person. If someone strikes you on the right cheek, turn to him the other also. And if someone wants to sue you and take your tunic, let him have your cloak as well. If someone forces you to go one mile, go with him two miles.

Based on this scripture we could possibly even conclude that when somebody is trying to exploit us we should not just pay their price but the most spiritual response may be to offer them double. We also have a responsibility to be good stewards. For a moment, though, imagine the shock of a corrupt judge who asks for $1,000 and you give him $2,000 instead and tell him why you took that action.

When faced with an apparent moral dilemma there are times when things that may appear wrong are, in fact, right.

Rahab in the book of Judges lied to protect the Hebrew spies. The lives of these men were at risk and when directly asked by soldiers Rahab told them the men had already left the city. All the people of Jericho were later killed but Rahab and her family was spared. The Messianic line came through Rahab’s family according to the genealogy in Matthew 1. In Hebrews we see Rahab included in the Faith Hall of Fame. Lest we are confused we read in James 2 that Rahab’s actions protecting the spies was evidence of her faith.

In Exodus 1 we read how a new Pharaoh came to power who was intimidated by the size of the Hebrew population. The king perceived them as a threat. He ordered the Hebrew midwives to kill the male children. The midwives refused and when confronted by the Pharaoh they lied and told him that the Hebrew women delivered their own children before they had a chance to arrive. In verse 20 we read that God BLESSED these midwives for their actions.

One of the modern heroes of the Christian faith is the Corrie Ten Boom and her family. During the Second World War while the Nazis were exterminating Jewish people Corrie and her family acted to hide Jews from the death camps. The family lied and bribed local officials but eventually they were found out but not before dozens of lives were saved. Corrie and her sister Betsy were sent to the notorious Ravensbruck concentration camp. Betsy would die there but before her death shared this great truth; "There is no pit so deep that God's love is not deeper still.” It is self evident that the Ten Boom’s were morally right doing what they did to protect human life.

While this evidence is overwhelming we should not take this as a moral license to do as we see fit. In Acts 8 we see an example where somebody tries buying something to which he is not entitled. When Simon Magus saw John and Peter lay hands on the disciples in Samaria he asked to buy the anointing of the Holy Spirit. Peter condemned Simon and told him, ‘May your money perish with you because you thought you could buy the gift of God with money. This argument should not be misconstrued to argue for doing something that is actually wrong. We must also not fall down the rabbit’s hole of situational ethics where we are doing what ‘we see as right’ as did the Israelites of Judges 21:25.

While the threat to the orphan’s life not adopted today may not be as imminent as the above examples there can be no doubt that the orphan’s life is in grave danger. Many will not live to see their 18^th birthday.(1) Millions will face AIDS, malaria, and other diseases.(2) Thousands upon thousands will be prostituted as children.(3) The displaced and orphaned child will often be conscripted into militias or armies as child soldiers.(4) Scores will take their own lives in despair. Many will be homeless and be murdered on the street.(5) Sadly, the outcomes of foster children in the United States are comparable to the third world orphan.(6)

If the Hebrew midwives, Rahab or the TenBoom family failed to act, the people they were helping would have surely died. With the first two examples we have clear biblical evidence that the actions were held in high regard by God. With the TenBoom family the evidence is prima fascia that their actions were heroic. While the imminence of the threat to the orphan may be delayed it is real. Much like the lost soul who refuses salvation may not be in immediate peril, the orphan that misses his adoption or ‘day of salvation’ will eventually face destructive outcomes.

A final example of God’s heart towards paying a corrupt price to facilitate adoption

The strongest evidence is the central purpose of the Christian faith. In Ephesians 1 we clearly see that the purpose of our universe in the reconciliation of man to God by redemption through adoption in Jesus Christ. We are joint heirs of the Father with the Messiah only through adoption. The cost of our spiritual adoption by God the Father was paid for through the most corrupt, evil, diabolical, unfair and unjust price ever demanded in all of history.

Our adoption required Jesus to accept the limitations of a human body. The Christ was without guilt but was falsely arrested. Pilate found no fault in him but He was wrongfully condemned in a sham trial. Jesus was unfairly tortured and ridiculed and then nailed to a cross where He died amongst criminals. Our redeemer willingly laid down His life to pay the price of our adoption. Only through His willful choice to be unfairly and unjustly exploited, are we sons and daughters of God Almighty.

It is not fair that we may have to pay for justice. Those who hold these orphans hostage for bribes and expediting fees should live in fear of God. Justice is transcendent. There is no excuse for denying the orphan justice simply because an evil person is exploiting you. Justice gained is justice, even if it must be paid for, just as justice denied when we refuse to pay for justice is injustice.

1. Human Rights Watch NGO Report Children Abandoned to the Russian State: Cruelty and Neglect in Russian Orphanages http://www.crin.org/docs/resources/treaties/crc.22/Russia_NGO_Report.pdf

2. UNICEF’s 2004 report Children on The Brink plus the unknown number in North America and Europe http://www.unicef.org/publications/cob_layout6-013.pdf

3. The Factbook on Global Sexual Exploitation http://www.uri.edu/artsci/wms/hughes/factbook.htm

4. Child Soldiers: Global Report 2008 http://www.childsoldiersglobalreport.org/files/country_pdfs/FINAL_2008_Global_Report.pdf

5. Children in Brazil: Death Squads http://homeport.tcs.tulane.edu/~rouxbee/kids99/brazil9.html

6. Child Welfare and Crime: Measuring the Effects of Foster Care, http://wings.buffalo.edu/soc-sci/economics/NewFiles/doyle_fc_crime_march07.pdf

How Could a Loving God Allow 150 Million Orphans?

2010-10-08T18:42:00.000-07:00

There are nearly 150 MILLION lost children in our world.

For perspective imagine a sports stadium full of orphans. Now realize if you were to add up EVERY person who will attend EVERY MLB, NHL, NFL, NBA and NASCAR event this year it would still be less than 150 million.

The orphaned child faces untenable circumstances. Many will not live to see their 18^th birthday. Millions will face AIDS, malaria, and other diseases. Thousands upon thousands will be prostituted as children. The displaced and orphaned child will often be conscripted into militias or armies as child soldiers. Scores will take their own lives in despair. Many will be homeless and be murdered on the street. Sadly, the outcomes of foster children in the United States are comparable to the third world orphan.

This question is inevitable; how could a loving God allow this to happen? This is a question I have wrestled with and that at points has shaken my faith. The sights, sounds, and smells of the orphanage haunt your memories. You reach a point when you want to shake your fist in God’s face and scream ‘what is wrong with you?’

The despotic leader of the Soviet Union, Josef Stalin once said ‘to kill one man is a tragedy. To kill a million is a statistic.’ The orphan’s predicament is often abstract in the church. It is a problem that is out there but not right here. We hear 150 million and it is just a statistic.

These kids are real, though! When they fall down there is nobody to console them. When they are lonely there is nobody to hold them. When they are hungry there is nobody to feed them. When they are vulnerable there is nobody to protect them. David Platt, author of the bestselling book Radical wrote:

Orphans are easier to ignore before you know their names. They are easier to ignore before you see their faces. It is easier to pretend they're not real before you hold them in your arms. But once you do, everything changes.

Every single one of those 150 million children has a name. The cry of orphan’s heart is real! It will pierce you to your core if you let it.

We read in James 1:27 that caring for the orphans and widows is ‘pure religion.’ We now think caring for the orphans is a backpack in a bin once a year and ‘just 90 cents a day!’ We feel good because ‘we sacrifice a little of Christmas for the orphans’ when we send a shoebox filled with dollar store presents. We have become a people consumed by materialism. We care more about a Lexus than Alexis who is going to be damned to a life of almost certain death and destruction!

The purpose of our universe in the reconciliation of God to man by redemption through adoption in Jesus Christ. There are nearly two billion people who claim to be followers of the adopted son of Joseph, Jesus. Two billion people who as Romans 8 tells us are joint heirs with the Messiah through adoption!

Through the collective inaction of the church millions of children have died and more live in a hopeless despair. What if we simply embraced the central theme of our faith? If just 12.5% of people who call themselves Christians were moved to give the orphan a family the problem would be solved. Should we still want to challenge God for doing nothing? Let us ask that question while standing in front of a mirror or better yet while looking into the eyes of a waiting child.

God's Heart:: Adoption

2010-02-02T06:51:00.001-08:00

Feel free to embed this video. If you would like a free DVD copy email me at sjeimers (at) yahoo .com and let me know how it will be used and where to send it.

Here is the latest video slideshow I have done

Steve

Doesn't this Pumkin Roll look fantastic?

2009-11-03T11:39:00.000-08:00

Well, It was!

Our friends Dominic and Tiffany Moro have spent the last several months preparing to welcome a little girl from Korea into their home. As so many of you will remember, the process of international adoption is exhausting, emotional, and expensive!

Tiffany started selling cakes as a fundraiser and I ordered one (a pumpkin roll) for our Sunday School Class just recently. MMMmmmmm......! It was such a delicious treat! Thank you, Tiffany!

They have also had a yard sale that netted, unbelievably, almost $2,000.00! God is providing for them on their step of faith!

Surprisingly, they have just received the referral photo and information of and about their little girl! This is way sooner than expected! Dominic and Tiffany are expecting that little Isabella will be joining their family in January or February of next year!

If you feel like helping them financially is something you can do, please consider contacting this precious family. No matter what, please pray for them on this, their endeavor to God's love for us in giving this sweet little baby a home to grow up in. What a blessed little girl Isabella is. And what blessings await the Moro family!

The Moro family has a website and a blog. Their main page is:
www.faithfullyadopting.com

They have the picture of their little girl on the site.

Winter Hosting

2009-09-13T20:20:00.000-07:00

We are coordinating a local Knoxville hosting program of Ukrainian orphans from the Kharkov region. We will be posting more details over the next few days but if you may be interested in hosting this Christmas please post a comment with your contact info.

A follow up to the How-We-Do-It posts from a while back...

2009-09-08T06:37:00.000-07:00

(I don't remember posting this picture when I took it.
If I did, then you can enjoy this unrelated to the post content photo
of the boys and their daddy again.)

At our family reunion the other day, some of us girls were talking. I don't remember how it came up but I found myself saying that in some ways six kids is easier for me than three. (I think we were talking about the Duggars) That sounds unbelievable and, surely is a matter of my own perspective so let me explain:

Before the six, there were three. Three girls who would happily sit and play Barbies, My Little Ponies, or read books and color. It was quieter. The mess wasn't a lot different, however.

Some things are different. The noise level. Boys, it turns out, make a lot of noise. Dents in the walls appeared thanks to flying space men, or cars, or even Barbies-- but always flying out of the hands of boys. ha, ha!

The noise is one of those things that becomes normal to me after a time. I don't allow excessive amounts inside (that's what the great outdoors are for) but I try to keep it real. There will be noise. There will be dents. There will be mess. Spackle is my friend.

Now, what to do about it? That is my job: I am a manager. The managing is different for me than being managed by the mess, which is what I was before. This is not to say my house is not messy, just that I had to implement a system which would work for us and keep our "situation" under control.

I often see things and tidy them up. But there are times that we just don't worry about it. Instead of the work never being done, we have clear cut lists for each child per day and everyone understands that we are a team. There is a sense of accomplishment when a daily list has been completed and there is benefit to working quickly. (Unlike a we-all-work-till-it's-done system)
I also have the peace of mind that, once a day, for a few minutes, the house will all be tidy (sans bedrooms).

This clean-up and maintenance time is my down time. It happens right after breakfast and before school so that I can come down to the computer with my coffee and relax after the morning "rush". The kids understand this and I made sure early on that they understood that I have my jobs and they have theirs but that mine happen at different times of the day. No one wants my job and that is fine with me! :-)

This is getting long so perhaps I will elaborate in a Part 2. But just wanted to say that I am, by nature, a messy, disorganized sort. Haha! Six kids has, remarkably, forced me into being a better, more organized me. (Notice that I did not label myself simply as "Organized"!) And, for the most part, a happier me. We all--one child or two children or, in my case six children--we all go to bed wiped out sometimes. Wiped out is wiped out; it doesn't really matter too much how many kids did the wiping! But I get to enjoy six times the hugs, six times the laughs, six times the funny things that come out of their mouths! It is a good life. And worth it all.

Questions? Comments?

Smart.

2009-08-20T07:27:00.000-07:00

My silly boy is at it again. Oh, the things that come out of his mouth.... LOL!

Today the little kids were doing their morning jobs. Ivy had brought out two bathroom garbage cans to empty into the big kitchen bag. On her way back to the bathroom with one can she turned around and thought to take both cans at once, saving a trip.

"You are so smart, Ivy!" I complimented. "That is a good idea to take both cans at once!"

"I am smarter than her." Vitali reminded me.

"Oh?"

"Yes. Her don't know 1+1 is 3!" Was his boasting reply.

"But 1+1 isn't three," I countered.

"Oh, well then, 2+2 is!? "

"Ummm....no."

Silly boy!

Memory Prodigy, or not...

2009-08-07T17:09:00.000-07:00

Look who beat Daddy at Memory. Again! We were so astounded at Vitali's sudden proficiency at the game until he started narrating his moves: "Hmmm, The giraffe has a black scratch on the back, the snail is light colored, the dog has two bumps, the ox has a polka dot, the bird..."
Yup, the Memory game that we have is wooden. We love it, the pieces are nice and never get dog-eared. It was a gift from Aunt Lynn years ago. It wasn't until these past couple of weeks that someone (Vitali) cracked the wood grain code. I guess it does require memory usage, but still...

Family picture and a couple others...

2009-07-07T18:06:00.000-07:00

All of us!
(Believe it or not, this is the first of only three tries! haha!
Once in a lifetime experience, everyone looking in the first shot!)

Max, holding a very tiny Ivy and Vitali

Silly Vitali and Daddy

Misha and Papa

2009-07-02T06:28:00.001-07:00

I have had a spurt of productiveness lately. The urge to clean the house. When I get that, I go with it!! LOL!! Yesterday, I was cleaning out our basement family room and laundry area.

While I worked Max found me and put his hands on my arms and said he needed a hug. So, I stopped and gave him a hug, pet his head a second, looked him in the eyes and told him that I loved him. Often, that is what he needs and then he runs off to play again. But not on this day.

This day, he stayed. In fact, he kept interfering for so long that I declared that he must let me get back to work. "I will help you", he replied. How could he help me with cleaning off the dryer? I admit to being slightly annoyed that he was hanging around, getting in the way and messing with the piles of stuff that I was sorting out, though I kept my mouth shut.

Instead, I said, "Okay, you can help". I gave him some run-off-and- put-this-away kind of errands thinking that he would find Misha along the way and they'd run off to play. But he kept bounding back down the stairs to me every time.

This made me think of when the girls were little. How that, sometimes, a cranky, clingy child just needs a few moments of your undivided attention. My stopping for five to ten minutes to play or cuddle, read or tickle, to sing songs or color and the child was readied to squirm away from me and explore the areas outside of the two-foot radius of my ankles again!

In many ways Max is still an almost ten, two-year-old boy. He giggles with abandon when he plays with toys like the big exercise ball he bounced himself around on at my friend's house a few weeks ago, obviously suggestive of a toddler's squeals of delight. And while he can be mature in ways beyond his years, he has an underlying current of a childhood that is replaying itself as he continues to blend into this new life he has with us.

And now, in my basement laundry area, I looked around, saw that the mess and collection of old lint-coated pocket miscellany could wait while I took some time to sit with my son. It was pretty high compliment Max was paying me, after all, working by my side simply for the privilege of being by my side.

My almost-ten-year-old son just needed me to help him be a little baby boy for a moment.
melissa

An Open Letter To The President of The United States of America

2009-06-25T19:27:00.000-07:00

I am the father of six young children. My oldest son Max was born in Eastern Ukraine in 1999. He was subjected to some of the vilest abuse one can imagine. At the age of four Max suffered a catastrophic head injury at the hand of the person who should have been protecting him. My son at the age of FOUR through no fault of his own found himself with a fractured skull lying in a snow bank!

Thankfully my son survived. Max moved to an orphanage. For four years Max lingered in that orphanage before he and his two younger brothers became a part of our family. Given Max’s significant medical history, citizens from places like Canada, Great Britain, France, and Spain probably would not have been able to adopt him.

Mr. Obama, the reason my son would not have been able to be adopted by parents from those countries is because of "health care reform" that the governments of those countries passed. In those countries children like my son are weeded out by bureaucrats so that only the pure and healthiest children are adopted. That is sick!

President Obama, you are suggesting similar type reforms. That scares me! I want to know if your plans for health care would have denied my son a family? Are there provisions within your health care plan that would prevent a child like my son Max from being adopted? Would your plan DAMN my son to a life in an orphanage without a family? Would your health care plan have left my son lying in that awful snow bank in Eastern Ukraine ?

Mr. Obama, the lost children of this world deserve to know whether they have a friend or a foe in the President of the United States . My son deserves to know whether his president’s health care plan would have allowed a bureaucrat in Washington DC to sentence him to almost certain demise. Mr. President, I love my son and he deserved a family whether he was deemed perfect by a bureaucrat or not!

Respectfully,

Stephen Eimers

Father's Day, 2009

2009-06-23T19:59:00.000-07:00

Adoption and Questions About 'The Will of God'

2009-06-18T18:09:00.000-07:00

How are things working out? How are the boys adjusting? Would you adopt again knowing what you know?

These are questions we are often asked regarding the adoption of our sons. The next statements are ones that we have heard several times.

We had friends who have adopted and it has been awful. IT is pretty clear it wasn’t God’s will for them to adopt!

There was a man who after becoming a Christian:

Lost his position on the preeminent political body of the day
Was jailed unjustly numerous times
Was shipwrecked and bitten by a poisonous snake
Was beaten, stoned, and tortured repeatedly; several times almost to death
Finally lost his life when his head was cut off on the Apian Way outside of Rome

Was this man a failure? Could we infer based on all these consequences the man was outside of God’s will? Would that be a fair assessment?

Of course not! The man to whom I am referring to is St. Paul. The man who through the work of the Holy Spirit is most responsible for the spread of the Gospel of Jesus Christ!

Using the consequences of obedience to God's call as the metric of success or failure is completely unfair. By those standards every Apostle would have to be considered a failure and outside of the will of God. St. Peter was crucified upside down. St. James was stoned to death. St. John was banished and was the only Apostle not to suffer an early death.

Obedience to God’s will and commands has consequences! Adoption has consequences but so does not adopting.

The child not adopted will almost surely be sexually exploited. The child not adopted will face an almost certain untimely demise. The child not adopted will most likely never find the grace of adoption by the Heavenly Father.

I would be negligent if I didn’t acknowledge how hard adoption can be. I know many a family that has been broken or bankrupted trying to help a lost child find healing.

There will be consequences if you choose the adoption journey! The hurt child will find and expose every character flaw you have. However St. James made a simple statement care for the orphans. It was not qualified! It did not guarantee a smooth path!

So how can you know if it is God’s will for you to adopt? How does one know if they have been ‘called?’ Do you need to hear some mystical voice or see some sign?

If you are a follower of the adopted Christ than you have already been called to care for the orphan. The scriptures are clear about God’s love for little children. The example of adoption throughout the scriptures is clear. The case for Christians adopting lost children is self evident!

So should everybody adopt? Of course not! Maybe you are disqualified from adopting lost children because of a health, moral, legal, financial, or other issue. The fairer question regarding whether or not it is God’s will for you to adopt may be; Is it God’s will that I not adopt?

In the spirit of Father's Day

2009-06-17T18:31:00.000-07:00

One of those things dads often do with their boys is beat them up. Now, I mean this in the nicest way, really! LOL! But dads and their sons have wrestled in living rooms threatening the safety of mother's decoratives for eons and I suppose there is not much chance that this type of playing will disappear anytime soon. In our house, I am guessing that it will continue until one of the boys gets big enough to win (I could be wrong).

So, this is the activity the boys chose the other night before bed. (I forgot to say that this is another thing dads don't mind doing; getting the kids riled up before bed. Most moms would never do this.) I sat safely in my chair and took pictures without the flash. I like the blurriness of these photos. Gives a sense of the movement. I did try for one picture of all my boys at the end of the playtime but it was hard to get much with them all keyed up like they were!

Max and Misha made some initial attacks and were subdued temporarily but Vitali kept coming back for more. He loves this sort of thing.

I mean, he really loves it!

But Max wasn't gone for long. He tried a sneak attack. Unsuccessfully, I might add.

Then, a little practice wrestling which involved some foot-tickling. Very effective against Misha. Smart move, Max.

And lastly, I got this picture. Four quite sweaty, breathlessly content boys.

And, they didn't even break anything.

Melissa

Adoption Story

2009-06-15T14:15:00.000-07:00

Some friends of ours from church are in the early stages of adopting from Korea. They have started to blog their process. If you like to follow adoption stories, then this is the time to start watching theirs. They only have 2 posts so far!

I know they covet prayers as they are truly stepping out on faith in this new phase of their lives. Please take a moment to "drop by" and leave them an encouraging note.

Right now there is a little baby or small child (or both!) in South Korea who thinks that the life she is leading is all there is. Imagine her surprise when she finds out what a forever family is and how life will change for her because of love. Love that is already in action, seeking her out to give her the gift that she never knew she always needed.

Visit Dominic and Tiffany here:
www.morofamily.wordpress.com

I have also added them to our sidebar.
Melissa

Its 11 O'clock!

2009-06-13T07:15:00.000-07:00

Its 11 O’clock! Do you know where your children are?

This was the lead in question every night right before Irv Weinstein would start the 11 O’clock news on WKBW. I heard that lead in hundreds of times but just the other day as I was remembering it, I HEARD it in a totally new way.

Looking back I often wonder where I was when important events occurred in my sons’ lives. I wonder what I was doing on September 27, 1999 when my oldest son Max was born. Where was I eleven months later when he suffered his first traumatic brain injury? Where was I on July 12, 2001 when his younger brother Mikhail was born? What was going on in my life when at the age of four Max was beaten nearly to death and thrown into a snow bank like yesterday’s trash? Where was I while my son lay clinging to life for two days in that snow bank in Eastern Ukraine?

Where? What? Why? The idea of adopting was out there during these times but it never hit me that I had children that were alive! It never crossed my mind that I had children who were vulnerable and that I could not physically protect them. My greatest regret was that I wasn’t praying for my boys while they were living through the hell I was impotent to prevent!

Adoption may not even be on your radar right now but it might be in a few years.

Maybe you are in college? Single? Facing your own crisis? The reality is that child who will become your son or daughter might be alive TODAY!

Your child could be facing untenable circumstances right now. Every one of these lost children faces incredible loss and difficult odds. Many will witness unspeakable violence. Others will suffer the vilest of abuse. The broken road that brings them into your home is never pretty!

If I could offer just one piece of advice it would be for you to pray for the child you don’t know that you may have. Your son! Your daughter!

Don’t have the same regrets I have.

Steve

That's not what she meant...

2009-06-07T10:18:00.000-07:00

(Misha playing in a toy boat and making that sound
with his lips that all boys make when imagining motor sounds)

We went on vacation to the beach a couple of weeks ago! We had a great time and you can see pictures on our family blog.

While we were gone, our good friend Ginger Shamblin offered to chicken-sit for us. Misha asked us several times if he could call Ms Ginger and check on Indiana Jones.

Finally, at the hotel we dialed the number for him. I could hear both sides of the conversation as he talked. Occasionally I coached him on what to say since he depends a lot on watching people talk to follow their dialogue. At one point I heard Ms. Ginger ask , "Is it raining where you are?"

Misha answered confidently, "No. We are inside."

Motives

2009-06-07T08:21:00.000-07:00

I have been asked if I am judging people’s motives for adopting. In one sense, yes I am, on the other hand no. (Nice political answer right?)

I can honestly admit that our motives when we started the adoption of our sons were an inward desire to altruism. I wanted to do something of significance. Something that mattered! It was about our feelings.

Is it wrong to adopt to fulfill a dream? Of course not! I can however tell you this dream at times can be a nightmare!

Is adoption a natural solution to infertility? This is an obvious yes. I have talked with countless couples who say “I wish we hadn’t started with the idea that adoption was our last resort.”

Adoption is a worthy choice in and of itself!

I accept almost any catalyst towards adoption but I can assure you that reason will likely not be enough to hold you up during the tough times.

I try to refocus attention repeatedly to the purpose of adoption because ontologically speaking these lost children were created in the image of the holy and just God. When (NOT IF) you hit the hard times in adoption this will be what sustains you.

The hurt child will find and expose every character flaw you have. If we move our focus on adoption away from our own desires and for that matter the lost child’s desire and towards the need and ontological value of the child this is what will carry us through the trials.

Adoption and all life issues surround one central theme: the inherent transcendent value of the human soul!

Steve

2009-06-04T13:58:00.000-07:00

I wrote this for Hope Resource Center to use in their adoption counseling service. Thought I would share it here.

Steve

The Gift of Life

Somehow in our culture a misunderstanding regarding the purpose of adoption has developed. Many of us have come to believe that adoption was created to resolve a problem or a desire for the adoptive parent. Whatever that desire may be? Historically this is the farthest thing from the truth. One of the finest examples of how an adoption should occur is the adoption of Moses in the Bible.

During the reign of the Egyptian Pharaoh Ahmose, a decree was issued for all the male Hebrew children born to be murdered. The mother of the baby boy who would later be named Moses could not bear to have her son killed. The mother of Moses carefully planned the adoption of her son.

Moses’ birth mother searched for a woman who was compassionate and would love her son as her own. She watched this woman and noted her routine. She carefully constructed a tender reed basket in which to place her son. At the perfect time she placed the young child into the basket and floated him gently into the Nile River as the Egyptian princess bathed. Moses’ birth mom had her daughter waiting on the river bank to offer help to the woman she had chosen to raise her son. Through these deliberate and intentional actions the birth mother of Moses facilitated history’s first open adoption.

Moses’ birth mother made this sacrifice not to help this young wealthy Egyptian woman "fulfill a dream." She didn’t offer her son because the princess was "having fertility problems." She didn’t even give up her son because “she wanted to give him a better [material] life.”

The woman who gave Moses life chose adoption to preserve his very LIFE! Her love for her son led her to the choose the only option that would save him. Moses’ birth mother’s choice for life gave US one of the most important men to ever live.

Through the courage of this woman we were given the man to whom God presented Himself to mankind as the “I Am.” Through the courage of this woman we were given the man to whom God gave the Ten Commandments. Through the courage of this woman we were given the man whom God chose to lead His people on The Exodus. Through the courage of this woman we were given the man whom God chose to write the first five books of the Bible.

The story of Moses and his life is well documented. The adoptive mother of Moses, the princess of Egypt has been clearly noted. There is however one who remains anonymous. The young Jewish mother who courageously chose life and by her choice blessed all humanity.

It is often said that adoption is about giving a gift. It is indeed a gift. One of the most important gifts that can ever be given! Adoption is about giving a child the opportunity for life!

We have been negligent in not honoring those women, like the mother of Moses, who have chosen life. Those women who have sacrificed to give their child the option of living. We must never forget these women and the difficult choices they had to make in the most desperate of situations.

Thank You, STAR!

2009-05-21T07:58:00.000-07:00

Max and Misha went to their last riding session at STAR this past Tuesday. They took pictures of themselves with their horses and wrote on their papers that they loved their horses and thanked STAR for their time there. Their pictures cracked me up!

Star

2009-05-12T16:54:00.000-07:00

STAR is a therapeutic riding facility that our boys have been able to attend for the last nine weeks. Although STAR is for handicapped and/or mentally disabled kids, our boys qualify because of some problems with Fetal Substance Exposures. Max and Misha each struggle in different areas because of this but really are highly functional. In some ways we feel guilty taking them to ride alongside other kids with much more visible issues. That said, we are increasingly aware that the boys have difficulties in ways that we don't see with our eyes but that do impact them significantly. (I have mentioned before the challenges with schoolwork)

STAR has been, without question, the highlight of each week for them and they count the days from one week to the next with eager anticipation!

Each session is one hour long and the boys start by caring for their horses: brushing, cleaning their hooves, saddling, etc... Then they ride. they learn to follow directions as their instructor calls them out.

Max loves his horse and loves all animals. This has been something that he has really had to teach himself to do and we are proud of him for taking the initiative to be brave. His horse's name is Breeze. He draws pictures of Breeze every Sunday in Sunday School using a little horse stencil that they have. Then he delivers his pictures to his helpers with pride.
Misha has made great strides since he has come to live in our family! Once terrified to the extreme of everything from puppies to primary-colored plastic bugs, he has readily looked forward to riding his horse, Freckles, and brushes him with little indication of his sensitivities. I do still notice a little timidness near the horse's face and neck but as he brushes the rest of the horse, he looks like any other little boy happily brushing a horse! The best thing is that he tries. He pets the horse's head and talks to Freckles when he walks by. He does this partly to show others that he is not afraid but he doesn't realize that he is actually teaching himself not to be fearful!

The boys have one more week of riding. I have yet to warn them. They have loved it and we have loved giving them this opportunity!

The rest of the family watches the boys ride. Today Hannah finished her homework and the other girls picked flowers. Vitali took care of Misha's hat.

Max's new specs

2009-05-12T16:44:00.000-07:00

Max's lazy eye has been immensely helped through six or nine (I can't remember) months of patching but after a three-month span of trying no patch, there are some residual control issues. The Dr. recommended trying these glasses which he will wear all the time for three months and then perhaps, if necessary, three months more. This is all in an effort to avoid surgical correction.

We all think he looks very handsome and smart in his new specs. Don't you agree?

Below is a picture where he is being silly and looking over his glasses but it distinctly shows how his eye jumps away in certain circumstances--especially when looking straight up. His left eye is the trouble-maker.

Max is very proud of his glasses but the newness will wear off soon, I am sure. He was listing all the characters on Walker, Texas Ranger today for me that wear glasses! Haha! I had never noticed!

All six. All looking in one direction. :-)

2009-05-06T18:36:00.000-07:00

Max,
Hannah, Misha, Annette,
Ivy, Vitali

Willful Ignorance

2009-05-05T12:15:00.000-07:00

Here is another of my recent writings

Occasionally I find myself wishing I was ignorant of the plight of the lost child. I think about losing the memories of the smells and sounds in the orphanages. Above all I find myself wanting to forget the faces of the children. The children that unless somebody intervenes are destined for tragedy. I want to go back to a time when they, the lost child, were out there and not in here. I don’t want these memories because they haunt me. They compel me to action. I sometimes just want to go back to a time when I was ignorant!

This primal urge reminds of the lines below from the movie, The Matrix. The character Cypher is struggling with his own desire for ignorance. He longs for the days when he was “plugged in” and was unaware that his entire world was a farce.

…. I know what you're thinking, 'cause right now I'm thinking the same thing. Actually, I've been thinking it ever since I got here: Why oh why didn't I take the BLUE pill?

… I know this steak doesn't exist. I know that when I put it in my mouth, the Matrix is telling my brain that it is juicy and delicious. After nine years, you know what I realize?

[Takes a bite of steak]

Ignorance is bliss…

Would my willful ignorance of the plight the lost child faces really change anything?

Would my ignorance change the fact that a little boy named Vladik in Eastern Europe will almost certainly be dead before his 18^th birthday simply because he was born without legs?

Would my ignorance change the fact that a little girl named Chan in China will be dumped on the steps of a decrepit government orphanage?

Would my ignorance change the fact that a young girl named Grace in Sub-Saharan Africa will be raped because local folk legend says ‘sex with a virgin cures AIDS?’

Would my ignorance change the fact that a young boy named Hector in South America will be conscripted into a violent street gang?

Would my ignorance change the fact that a young man named Jason in the United States will join over 250,000 other former foster children who have aged out of foster care and are now in prison?

The reality is my fleeting wish for ignorance is really nothing more than a desire to not confront myself with the fact that the statistic in my mind is an actual child! A REAL child that if I or somebody else does not intervene will face certain untenable odds.

Would my willful ignorance be any better than woeful arrogance?

Steve

Indiana Jones

2009-04-21T06:32:00.000-07:00

Just in case there are any chicken fans out there, I thought you all might enjoy an update on Indiana Jones, the Therapy Chicken-hopefully-not-a-rooster.

Indiana is growing and I admit to enjoying having a quirky chicken for a pet. Well, maybe I'm the quirky one since my pet is a chicken. Anyway, Indiana is kind of interesting and humorous.

Misha is doing very well as a chicken Papa. He never complains about his duties. And, fortunately, Indiana is not adverse to being held even though I would never dare label this pet chicken as cuddly! Maybe "tolerant" is a better word. I.J. does follow us around the yard ( I guess we are the "flock" to Indiana) when we are out there and, no joke, when we have left him/her outside while we were away, our return has always been heralded by Indiana Jones hurrying in run-hop-flap fashion towards our car! Haha!
:-)

I didn't take a picture of it, but Steve built Indiana a coop in the back yard. Regardless of the fact that our feathered friend likes the coop just fine, our house is sooo inviting that he/she tries to walk in on occasion! I am not kidding, we have six or seven steps up to our front door and the other day I heard a loud peeping from outside. When we opened the door to see what was the matter out there, there was Indiana Jones on the threshold, peeping to come in. When I opened the door his/her little chicken feet and clumsy wings got busy as he/she "marched" right in!
And then the other night we finally had to close the door because every time it opened there was Indiana! And, last night I heard a light knocking on the glass door in the back. Our neighbor occasionally comes to that door if she drops by but I suspected it might not be Myrtle. Sure enough, Indiana Jones was "knocking" on the door to come in. "Knock, knock, knock." Then pausing, assured that we would shout out, "Come in! All chickens welcome!"

Didn't happen.

Melissa

Adoption and the Christian

2009-04-15T18:20:00.000-07:00

Here is another excerpt from my recent writings.

Steve

Adoption and the Christian

The purpose of Christianity is redemption. The means God chose for redemption was adoption. Adoption [by God] is, in fact, the very basis of Christianity. Adoption has been described by John Piper as being “greater than the universe” and he goes even further and says “adoption is the purpose of the universe.” These are bold claims and assertions but the book of Ephesians solidly backs this up. Adoption is not only the purpose of the universe; it is a recurring theme throughout scripture.

The Hebrew people were living in Egypt and had grown so large that the Pharaoh perceived them as a threat and ordered all male babies to be killed. The mother of one young boy, unable to bear having her child killed, placed him in a basket. She then slid him into the river near where she knew the princess would bathe. The Egyptian princess was touched with compassion when she saw the infant. She took him as her adopted son, and named him Moses.

It was Moses to whom God presented Himself to mankind as "I AM." It was this same adopted son of the queen of Egypt who led the Exodus from Egypt and was given the Ten Commandments. It was Moses who wrote the first five books of the Bible.

Later, the Messianic line was preserved through adoption. The Jewish people had been led into exile. A young girl, Hadassah, lost her parents and her uncle took her in. He adopted her, and raised her as his own daughter. The Persian king Xerxes was compelled by this young woman’s stunning beauty and took her as his wife.

The king’s evil advisor, Haman, hated the Hebrews. He plotted to destroy them and wipe them off the face of the Earth. It was the courage of the adopted daughter of Mordechai, better known as Queen Esther, who "at such a time as this" rose to the occasion. It was this adopted daughter who risked her very life to approach the king to seek his favor to save her people. Through her actions not only were her people saved but also the Messianic line and eventually, through the death of Christ, all men.

Jesus, The Christ, was the adopted son of Joseph. It was the adoptive father of Jesus who refused to have Mary, the mother of God, stoned or put away privately. It was the adoptive father of the Christ who took Mary to Bethlehem fulfilling the prophecy of Micah. It was Joseph who fled to Egypt with Jesus, saving the adopted Christ Child’s life. It was the adoptive father of Jesus who brought Him "up out of Egypt.”

The adoptive father of our Great God and Savior had every reason and right under the law to refuse the responsibility of a child he had not fathered. However, Joseph knew that God’s plan was greater than his own. He raised the Son of God as his own.

As Christians it is by adoption that we cry "Abba" or "Papa" Father. Our adoption was known even before the foundation was laid for this universe. Redemption is by adoption. We were desperately "lost children." It was through the most evil and vile act in history that our adoption into God’s family was facilitated. Through adoption we have a heritage we don't deserve and a destiny forever altered. It is by adoption that we are “joint heirs” with the Messiah, Jesus.

Today there are nearly 150 million lost children worldwide. The outcomes they face are staggering. Almost 2/3 of the children who age out of foster care in the United States will end up in the prison system. In Eastern Europe estimates run as high as 1 in 10 orphaned children killing themselves before their 18^th birthday. In Africa millions of lost children will die of AIDS. In South America the orphan is often conscripted into violent street gangs and militias. In Asia young girls are left wholesale on orphanage steps due to oppressive laws of tyrannical regimes only to later end up on the streets as prostitutes. Regardless of where a lost child is, he faces an almost certain untimely demise if parents never come for him.

St. James wrote “… Pure religion is to care for the orphans…” The lost child has a simple need. A family! Some say it is naïve to expect to find families for 150,000,000 children. However, there are an estimated TWO BILLION people worldwide who claim to be followers of the adopted Christ. If just one of every eight us were moved to action by the plight of the lost child the problem would be solved!

Without adoption we have no chance for eternal life. An orphaned child who is not adopted has virtually no chance for earthly life, much less eternal. God gave adoption to us; can we offer any less to them?

Adoption is not natural; it is supernatural!

Earthly adoption of lost children is one of the highest symbolic forms of worship one can offer a Holy and Just God.

Steve

A Ukrainian in the South

2009-04-10T06:56:00.000-07:00

Our neighbors are great. They are dyed-in-the-wool southerners. His name is Cletus and her name is Myrtle. They have a grandson named Will.

Will was out the other day and Max saw him and said to Melissa "His name is Wheel." Melissa told Max that his name was Will. Max responded, "His dad calls him Wheel!"

Steve

Too Old: A Rwandan Adoption Story

2009-04-06T10:41:00.000-07:00

15 years ago today the most efficient genocide in history began. On April 6, 1994 under the impotent noses of the UNAMIR troops a slaughter of innocent Tutsi Rwandans began. This slaughter turned the hills of Rwanda into graveyards and the rivers ran red from the blood of nearly one million murdered souls.

The French were likely involved in the execution of the genocide. The UN was impotent. The USA knew within hours what was occuring and specifically Richard Clarke blocked early attempts to stop the genocide. The Clinton administration went so far as to prevent this butchering from being called a genocide.

While the world did nothing one women became an unlikely hero. This is a short essay that I wrote about that women; Rosamond Carr, it is titled Too Old

I'm Too Old!

Rosamond Carr was a New York City socialite who married a young photographer during the 1940s and moved to the country of Rwanda. Some time later, Roz and her husband divorced but Roz never left Rwanda. Roz stayed in Rwanda until the 1994 genocide when in a period of 100 days nearly 1,000,000 people were slaughtered.

At the age of 82 in 1994, Roz Carr was the longest living foreign resident in Rwanda and one of the last non-native plantation owners. When the awful violence of the Interhamwe descended upon Rwanda, Roz did the only thing she knew to do. She sheltered her neighbors from the genocidal madmen. When the mobs learned of this Roz was forced to flee to the Democratic Republic of Congo. She then returned to her native United States.

Roz was already a hero for saving her neighbors and nobody would have thought less of her had she decided to live out her days in comfort in the USA. What happened next though is one of the most amazing stories of modern times. Rosamond Carr returned to her “home” in Rwanda.

When Ms. Carr returned to her home she found her country in shambles. The bodies were stacked up. The rivers ran red from the blood of a million Rwandans. Roz’s personal residence was ransacked. There was absolutely no reason to stay and every reason to just go back to America.

Instead Roz walked to the road in front of her plantation. She found an orphaned child and a short time later another. A kind hearted woman, she tried to find help for them but the more she looked for help the more children she found. It soon became apparent to Roz that she would need to be the help. At the age of 82, single, and never having had children Rosamond Carr became a mother to 40 children in a matter of days.

Roz Carr was 96 years old when she died in 2006. At the time of her death Roz had become the mother to over 400 lost Rwandan children. Roz Carr in her memoir Land of a Thousand Hills wrote “I can only surmise that God didn’t feel I was ready to have children until I was 82 years old. Then he sent me forty all at once.”

There are many reasons that people think they can’t make an impact in a lost child’s life including that they are “too old.” Fortunately for hundreds of lost children in Rwanda, Rosamond Carr realized that even an 82 year old divorcee with no kids and every reason to leave could be a mommy.

Scripture verse:

Genesis 21:1-8

Steve

If you have not seen the movie Hotel Rwanda please consider watching it

What the boys like to do on nice spring days...

2009-03-25T09:37:00.000-07:00

Swing shirtless,

Practice muscle-showing,

Play Perch-the-Chick,
Practice not Freaking out over little baby chick pecks which, I can assure you,
do NOT hurt in the slightest.

Swing with a pretty girl--even if she is your sister,

Anything involving sticks. Here they are guns complete with sound effects.
(and just so you know that I am not a negligent parent,
I did tell Vitali not to chase people with sticks after making sure I got a good shot.),

"Picking" flowers (another stick activity),
See? Ivy got her flowers! Thank you, Vitali!

Pose nicely for your mom who is always waving that camera around,
Take the chick for a ride in the wagon and the dump truck at the same time...
I could go on and on. :-)

Simple matters of perspective...

2009-03-24T17:56:00.000-07:00

We ate pizza in the car this evening while we were out doing this and that. I handed Misha's piece back to him and a moment later he complained, "Mama, My pizza is stuck!"

"Where?!" I asked him.

"Down there--" (pointing to the floor) "I did not drop it!" Was the reply.

"Well, How did it get there?"

Quickly came the reply, "It just fall down!"

"From where?" (can you tell I was suspicious?)

"My hand."

Oh. Well, at least he didn't drop it...

And then this one:

The boys were playing a game together when Misha came to me with a mournful wail, "Mamaaa, Max is cheater!" and then he proceeded to tell me more detail of Max's transgression. In the distance I could hear Max piping up, "Misha! You did it too!"

So I asked the poor puppy dog eyes and the wringing hands in front of me, "Misha, did you do it too?"

He tried to keep the soulful expression on his face but knew it was too late. "Yes." And with a sheepish grin he headed back happily to play with the others. I just put my head down and laughed!

Maybe you had to be there...

Melissa

Chicken experiment: Day 6

2009-03-10T11:22:00.001-07:00

(Max is looking up to watch for hawks and eagles.)

I am very pleased with the difference we already see in Misha. I wish I could tell you more specifically what we see but it is such a slight shift that it would be difficult to explain. I am hoping that this brief encounter with 'parenting' will continue to be a good chance for us to teach compassion and concern for others.

Misha is doing a great job with his chick! Steve and I were in bed last night and we could hear Indiana Jones peeping loudly. (He has really turned up the volume now) Just then, Papa Misha called out from his dark bedroom, "Indiana Zhone, be quiet, go sleep!" Haha. Unruly children do need to be told to quiet down at bedtime, after all!

Misha often runs out to the kitchen or wherever I am to find me and report on Indiana. "My Chick is drinking a lot water!" "My Chick is eating food!" He doesn't bat an eyelash at cleaning out Chick's home, either.

The warm weather these last couple of days (which has disappeared today) meant Indiana could chase us around the yard. We were hoping Misha would be his favorite but he doesn't seem to care who runs past him, he'll just dash off after them, tiny wings at the ready and little orange legs doing their surprisingly speedy chicken dance across the lawn.

(Ivy, Max, and Indiana Jones--who is enjoying his flower bouquets immensely)
(See?)

(Ivy is offering Indiana a drink from her teacup. A moment after this picture was taken,
she turned around and said, "Oh no! All my tea is gone!")

His first day outside, Indiana ate a tiny worm, this meant that three more worms were dug up by eager volunteers and presented to Indiana. Another tiny victory here is that Misha surprised even himself by announcing that he is no longer afraid of worms! The second day outside, Indiana just wanted to run and run and run. So we did. Today, he went out for three minute sessions but at the third re-entry into the house his little chicken feet were shivering so I think it is just too cold!

I think Misha is making progress in some small ways. I see him mimic what Steve and I do with our children. For instance, the first night Indiana Jones was here, Steve prayed with the boys in their beds and then suggested that Misha should pray with his baby. Misha hurried out to the living room and knelt beside the box he had helped us prepare for Indiana and prayed with him. The next night, I tucked the boys in and prayed with them. Misha sat up as I was going out of the room and said, "Mama, I do not pray mine little chick!" I just told him that he could lay in his bed and pray for him tonight and that is what he did. But the next night, on his own, Misha made sure to pray with Indiana as soon as he got his PJ's on. He didn't want to miss out on that very important part of parenting. We take every opportunity to say things like, "that is good, Misha, babies like to be held and cuddled by their papas." or "What a good papa you are to check on your baby so often!" --and he does, too!

Tonight, Misha handed Indy to Steve before he went off to clean the box. Indy peeped a little. "Oh!" Misha deduced, "He afraid! It's okay little chick..." It is something to notice because he showed genuine concern and tried to evaluate the emotions of little Indiana. More progress.

Also, before we left for church last night, Vitali called to Misha, "Misha, let's go to the car!"
Misha looked very sternly at Vitali and scolded, "I was saying goodbye to my chick!"
And he had been for a while. I had heard him over there, not 'performing' for me to hear (I wasn't all that nearby), but just explaining to Indiana Jones about what he was going to do that evening: go to church, eat pizza, come home again...

Indiana was listening intently the whole time. I think he was taking notes. It's hard to tell because his writing looks like chicken scratch.

Melissa

PapaMisha

2009-03-09T19:04:00.000-07:00

In an effort to develop a better sense of caring and compassion in our middle boy, Misha (7), we have gone and gotten him a little fluffy, delicate, high-maintenance pet.
A baby chick.
What could be cuter?

Misha has come so far from his early trips to our friend's farm where he would shrink in terror at the mere thought of holding anything living regardless of its fluffy cuteness. And, by the way, when I say, 'shrink in terror'? I mean it, okay?!

One thing Misha is much better at is self-control. By this I mean that, even though dogs no longer make him terrified but just simply very nervous, he hides it well. He may even pet the dog or comment on its adorableness but he would never do either of those things without an adult that he wants to impress present. He is the same way with people-babies, incidentally. (not afraid of people babies, though. Just weirded-out by them. He truly doesn't see what all the fuss is about!)

Anyway, because we want to teach him to not only be "un-scared" of animals and just "un-weirded-out" by babies, we had this idea that a baby chick might be just the thing to foster some independence and compassionate thinking in Misha.

Frankly, I don't care if he loves animals. I don't want him to hate them, though. I also want him to be comfortable with and even to truly enjoy babies and small children. This little exercise seems a great chance for us to talk directly about things with him and to train him individually in the area of caring for others less able than himself.

We let him pick the chick from our friends Tami and Chuck's chick brooder. It was newly hatched but fluffy. There were several different varieties but Misha had little interest and pointed quickly to a fluffy yellow little guy(or girl).

Chick and a bit of starter feed in hand, we thanked our friends and headed off to Walmart to get a clamp-light, a thermometer and a newspaper. In the car, Misha was holding the chick obediently and even with a nice artificial smile until I said to him, "hold your little chick closely, Misha, he needs to be warm. You are his papa now, you know."

Misha's eyes lit up a bit and he wriggled little Indiana Jones (that's is the chick's name) closer to his chest. Progress.

Indiana Jones is still doing well a few days later. Misha was outside teaching him to follow his PapaMisha through the grass. Indiana enjoyed pecking at the lawn and Misha enjoyed watching him. I am hoping that this really makes some headway into the mind of our little boy who has spent the bulk of his life practicing self-preservation and perfecting his charm in order to be as far at the top of the "pecking" order as possible. While we are glad to see that some of these behaviors have been modified, we know that he is just mostly obeying us and that real change will have to come from his heart. Hopefully, Indiana Jones will awaken that part of Misha and allow him to more fully experience his life.

Oh. And, to celebrate our new addition--Look what we had for dinner.
Mmmm....

Maybe the fact that we found this funny is partly why he still has compassion issues...
.......naaah. I doubt that.
:-)

Melissa

Playing....

2009-02-27T07:54:00.000-08:00

Working hard

2009-02-16T12:41:00.000-08:00

Homeschooling has been incredibly difficult this year. Not so much because of the number of kids but because of the difficulties that Max and Misha have had with various things. One is to be expected: I have had to sit with them through every paper in order to tell them what to do at each new section. They simply couldn't read well enough to move through the worksheets on their own. Even if they could, two part instructions or even simple prepositional phrases proved to be tricky English for my boys.

This gives me a good way to measure their progress, though. I have noticed more and more that Max especially will try and read his own directions and usually get the simple ones right! This is a big help to me.

Another major problem has been that new concepts, and occasionally well-known concepts, cause the boys to just plain shut down. They don't know how to do something so they visibly quit. They will sit and stare at me or at the paper not hearing or caring to learn anything. It is like talking to a wall. I can not tell you how frustrating this is when I have to sit with them and I KNOW that this behavior means my sitting there forever!

The good news is that we seem to finally be conquering this problem. I have done two things. One, this usually occurs in math so that when it happens (So-and-so doesn't know what 5+3 equals today and refuses to put any effort into figuring it out), I just calmly hand them their copy book. This is a book where they have written all the number facts and equivalents that we need to know at this point. 1+1=2, 1+2=3, etc... I send them off to read it aloud. This makes them very upset but it accomplishes some important things: It does not allow their behavior to control my time to excess, It helps to solidify the simple number facts in their minds, and it gives them incentive to avoid having to do this!

I think that I may be dealing with some prenatal alcohol exposure issues in some cases, but even there, the book reading helps because of the repetition. Also, it is an immediate but not overly stimulating consequence/result.

Another thing that I do is to state my intentions and to try and train their attitudes to be more positive. For instance, it makes more sense to them if I say, "Reading your book is not a punishment, it is to help you to learn these things that give you so much trouble! It is a good thing!" They buy that pretty well :-)

Also, I sometimes say what I think is obvious but that I notice does not occur to them. One instance of this is that I might say, "When you don't know how to do something, you can be glad because Mommy can help you to know it! Now you will know a new thing!!" I, at one point noticed that the shut-down that they do is a form of giving up and being defeated. It doesn't seem to occur to them to try.

Anyway, all that to say that I am seeing progress at last! Schoolwork has been quickly and happily done lately. That is HUGE!

Also, Walker, Texas Ranger is on tonight and they want to be sure and get to watch it!

English lesson gone awry

2009-02-07T08:07:00.000-08:00

(Misha at a football game this past fall)

A couple months ago, I realized that Misha does not have the language skills the other two boys have acquired. Why did it take me so long to notice? Because he has a two-fold personality trait in that he is very expressive with his hands and body language and that is combined with the fact that he is good at reading others' body language and intent without necessarily understanding the words spoken. These two things masked the fact that he wasn't using words because he didn't know them! (he understands, for instance "vacuum" but might not be able to come up with the word on his own. He would say "Vrooomm" and act it out)

Anyway, I have started reminding him to "Use words" when he talks and have been asking him to repeat what I say to him sometimes to see if he listened to what I actually said (usually, I have to repeat myself). Steve has been stopping him every once in a while to quiz him with "What's that?" questions. Like the other day:

Steve: Misha, what is that? (Pointing at the light)

Misha: Light

Steve: And what is that around it?

Misha: I don't know

Steve: It's a fan... And this?

Misha: Bed

Steve: And what is that white part up there? (Pointing at the ceiling)

Misha: Seal. Steve: No, close--It's a ceiling.
And what is on the floor? (Pointing at the carpet)
Misha: Toys!

Yep. he got that right! Obviously I need to clean my room!

melissa

Snow in Tennessee!!

2009-02-03T09:22:00.000-08:00

(All three boys coming after Mommy!
Uh Oh! Looks like Mommy got Misha! And, disregard the pink snow pants, please!
We live in TN where it snows twice a year so we wear whatever we have!)

Click the link for more pictures on our Family Blog at:

Life Here

Max

2009-01-27T18:29:00.000-08:00

Max came running into the house breathlessly exclaiming, "Mama! For you!!"

He handed over a large, but spindly, blackened, and crumbly, twiggy-looking thing. I tried to figure out why it was for me...and then I noticed, there on the ends of the brittle stems were tiny dried flowers. The only ones around this time of year for a boy who wants to pick flowers for his Mama.

Thank you, Max; I love you too.
And now why is my sweet boy so excited? And why is he standing by the clock chanting "Teek, Tock, Teek, Tock, Teek, Tock...."? (apparently our clock has a Russian accent, who knew?)
Because it is almost 7:00pm.

Time to watch Walker, Texas Ranger:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tW1tIpE95kc

It's become a family event a couple of nights per week. The boys love it. We HAVE to get a video of them watching the big fight scene at the end. Oh how fun it is when the bad guys get it!!

More snow...New family photo!

2009-01-20T19:27:00.000-08:00

The Freezing Eimers Family, January 20, 2007

We had more snow overnight to replace what we used up yesterday. It was too cold for snowman making but ok for sledding which was a fun thing to do. Poor Vitali felt that he didn't get enough sled time. I said to him, " Vitali! You don't look very happy."
"I am happy." he replied.
"OK, Then show me your happy face", I asked. This, aparently, was his happy face:

But he was just having a grumpy moment.
Now we can see his real happy face:
...as you can see, he got sled time too!

He and Ivy were snow buddies. I think they felt the pink-pants bond.

But we really did have a good time! Here are a couple more pictures I thought were cute and fun.
Melissa

To celebrate one year being home: Snow!

2009-01-19T17:08:00.000-08:00

Today marks the one-year anniversary of us being home and the beginning of our family being together. This is the day that we count as our real homecoming.

Last year on January 19th, I had managed to hold back all the tears until I saw the girls running toward us in the airport. Many of our friends were there with signs reading Welcome Home! in Russian. What a relief it was to be home!

This January 19th, we got our first 'real' snow of the season. The kids were so excited and it seemed that the dryer was running all day drying sopping wet mittens and coats and pants. Somewhere in there we even managed to finish the basics of schoolwork. What a great way to celebrate--except for the schoolwork part.

Max loved the snow...
...He stayed out long after everyone else went shivering and dripping into the house.

This is Misha right before I said, "Misha! Get into the house and put on a WINTER coat!"

This is Vitali's Crazy Face. When we see this face, we know that we have about three seconds to redirect him before he throws something or hits someone. That boy has energy he doesn't know what to do with! Outside is the best place to have a Crazy Face.

Catching snow in cups. Two seconds later he threw them as far as he could:

One year ago today our lives were in total upheaval! Now we have settled into our new normal. We still count to six constantly when we go out but it somehow doesn't seem like such a big number...at least most of the time!

Leslie suggested in her comment last post that I should post something about how the boys have progressed. Where they were then compared to where they are now. The things they have learned as well as the things that they have still to work on. I think this is a great idea and I am glad she suggested it. If anyone else has suggestions, please let me know! I sometimes run short on ideas.

Well, I am off to join the family watching Walker, Texas Ranger. I will have to post video of that sometime! The boys, especially Misha, get so excited during the big fight scene at the end of every episode. It is pretty funny!

Melissa

One year ago today...

2009-01-17T18:54:00.000-08:00

...We were sitting on a plane with three very nicely behaved boys leaving Kiev and heading to our connecting flight in Austria.

We landed in Austria and it was all downhill from there. Misha was especially troublesome. He thought it was funny to run away so we would have to chase him. He ate a piece of gum that he found stuck to a garbage can; told us where to go and how to get there, and that sort of thing. There, he was the worst, but they all were naughty!

After that we were on a plane for nine hours held hostage by three terribly behaved little boys! People looked at us wondering about our parenting skills. Most people who found out that the boys had been in an orphanage only days before melted their annoyed expressions and offered help. We are very thankful to the nice man on the plane that Misha kept waking up and waving to, to the lady in the Austrian airport who gave him a piece of gum that did NOT come off the garbage can, to the families with small children who read books to Misha and to the Romanian Grandmother from Cleveland who rocked Vitali to sleep after seven hours of him mostly crying! We even thank the thoughtful airline which installed seatback televisions and remotes so that Max could play with them in between grumping at us and getting himself locked in the bathroom every 25 ninutes!

How great it was to touch down in the USA, getting past customs and immigration quickly because our boys were so horrible the customs agent took pity on us probably because, no joke, we were reduced to laying them on the floor and standing on the edges of their coats so that they would stop running off in three directions while our paperwork was sorted through! What a relief when at last we saw Babushka and Aunt Laurie whose presence was heralded by a bunch of American flags and bobbing red-white-and-blue balloons!
First day as Americans but we weren't home yet...

...what a dissappointment when we found out that our flight to Knoxville was canceled! We would be stuck in DC for a few days with some potty mouthed boys and our best friends, the monkey leash and the Dawn Dish soap. Thank goodness for Aunt Laurie and Babushka Eimers!

Christmas photos!

2008-12-29T18:14:00.000-08:00

(Misha, Vital,i and Max, mouths full of chocolate and bubble gum
posing with their new fluffy friends)

A couple of days before Christmas, the boys received a fabulous pre-Christmas celebration complete with gifts just for them! A special couple wanted to do something for our boys to mark their first American Christmas and to express how happy they are that Max, Misha and Vitali have a family of their very own this year. Isn't that great?! They brought quite a few lovely gifts and each gift was so perfect that I was amazed--still am! This generous couple had never really met the boys personally and yet the gifts the boys received were absolutely inspired!
Steve and I kept glancing at eachother with open mouthed amazement.
And the boys were thrilled, of course! (Misha yelled, "TWO SHOES!!")

Since this occasion was just for the boys, I had given the girls the option of going somewhere else for the evening but they wouldn't miss it for the world! They are so happy to have brothers and they are used to the fact that things are still a little different for the boys. In many ways, it is like we have new babies in the house. Everyone knows babies get extra attention. :-) (Shhhh....don't tell the boys I said they were like babies!) We are so blessed that our family has welcomed these boys with such wide open arms. The girls have been so unselfish and wonderful in their attitudes. In fact, they were just plain honored that their brothers could be so blessed! And if it sounds like I'm bragging--I am!

And, let me tell you my special Christmas gift: My mom's housekeeper, Joanne, wanted to do something to express her welcome for our boys and to help me out this Christmas. She insisted on cleaning our house for us!!! I was able to get my tidying up done early and then do some last minute shopping with Steve (My mom had the kids--another wonderful blessing for me!) and come home later to the house sparkling and smelling so clean! I think it is worth noting that despite the fact that the number of children in our house has doubled this year, this is the first year that I have actually gotten to bed EARLY on Christmas Eve!! What a wonderful treat that was!

Speaking of Christmas Eve, Hannah gathered the kids together into costume that special night in our living room and put on a very quick performance of "Joy to the World" sung/mumbled-with-a-Russian-accent. After the musical number, they all posed for a nativity picture. All except Ivy that is. I think she would have rather been Mary so she could hold the baby Jesus.Christmas morning was a fun time for the children. The kids unpacked their stockings first. These stockings were a gift from the mother of a very good friend of ours. She made them each a stocking and then each stocking is personalized with the children's names! How fun! Then we ate lefse for breakfast, this is the first time the boys had tried lefse, a Norwiegian tradition we do that honors my mother's heritage. Max liked it quite a bit, but it is one of those things that has to grow on you. :-)(Vitali, opening a "family gift" a six-piece percussion set--I know, what was I thinking?!)

We opened gift after gift. The kids had each shopped for eachother at the dollar store (Love that place!) That right there was 30 gifts! They had also wrapped up a whole bunch of their own toys and clothes to give to eachother. And then there were the "real" gifts! Such fun!

After the gift opening was done, the kids played a while with their new prizes.
Then we all went to my mom and dad's house for a simple but delicious dinner. With cheesecake and the rest of the cookies for dessert. Mmmm!

The theme of our Christmas this year seemed to be the generosity and love of others. God has richly blessed us! We truly just shake our heads in humble grattitude. Thank you all who watch our story, who pray for us, rejoice with us and who have lent a helping hand! We may not ever be able to repay you but we are so thankful. More than you know.

We hope your Christmas was as special as ours!
Happy New Year!
God bless you all.

A First-Ever for Vitali:

2008-12-28T17:21:00.000-08:00

Lost in translation--again! With a Christmas/Jungle theme

2008-12-22T09:47:00.000-08:00

It is the first Christmas for the boys in America! We decorated the tree several weeks ago and all the children were so excited! The boys watched as the girls picked out several ornaments from Christmases before gleefully chatting about their memories and I noticed thoughts passing in the eyes of the older boys. I wonder what they were thinking--or maybe they were just processing the information. Next year they will have memories on our tree too.

We have an advent box that has a little door for every day of December until Christmas. What fun each night when they all line up and the child whose turn it is swings open the tiny door! Last night, they found a strip of paper which led them around the house a bit. The end of the search was a red gift bag with some markers and construction paper in it. My mom had sent over all the markers for them.

They spent all last evening drawing and creating and woke up only to pick up where they had left off! Misha asked me how to spell "gorilla", so I told him. After the "a", he wanted to put a period. "It's not a sentence", I corrected him. So he thought about it and added some words. Now, according to him, the sentence reads, " The gorilla ate the sandwich". But it doesn't, because word order does matter in English! Ha ha! And, yes, that should say "sandwich" but when he asked how to spell "Shannwich" I just couldn't resist....

Melissa

Snuggling is the best Medicine.

2008-12-22T09:33:00.000-08:00

Vitali was awake late the other night. He was very distressed that he was coughing and it just wouldn't stop! Steve gave him some medicine and rubbed Vicks on his chest. A glass of water and some snuggle-time in Daddy's bed and Vitali was feeling pretty happy! There is just something special about sleeping in Mommy and Daddy's bed!

He woke up early this morning coughing again. I took him a glass of water and he blew his nose. He was again very annoyed that he didn't want to cough but he was coughing anyway. He kept telling me that he didn't want to cough but it just kept coming out of him. I think he was afraid he'd get in trouble for making noise in the night.

After he drank his water he asked me, "Mama, will you please snuggle me in my bed?" Of course I did. And it occurred to me that it wasn't something he had asked before. I think it is another step towards being a regular little boy when he knows he can ask me to comfort him when he is sick. Maybe it sounds strange to any of you whose children have always had parents but these little things stand out with the boys because they have been conditioned not to expect it. They don't expect it so they don't ask. Whey they do ask, it is new and special to me.

Lost in translation...

2008-12-20T19:29:00.000-08:00

Word order is not so important in Russian. It is tricky to teach it in English to a formerly-Russian-speaking child. Sometimes it doesn't matter. Sometimes....

Me: Knock, Knock

Misha: Whose There?

Me: Ach

Misha: Who Ach.

Me: Never mind.

Much to be thankful for.

2008-12-17T07:53:00.000-08:00

Thanksgiving...I need to say something about this "first" quickly before Christmas arrives!!

In the weeks before Thanksgiving, I read to the childrean from a child's chapter book about the Pilgrims, the Mayflower and the Indians. I read of how the Separatists had to sneak to have their services and how it was so important to them that their children grow up in the Lord that they were willing to risk everything toward that end. The kids all listened and asked for another chapter each time. The boys seemed to get quite a bit from the story, something which surprised me. Their favorite things were: Pilgrims, The Mayflower and Indians.

We talked about the reason for Thanksgiving. To thank God. We discussed how this is what the pilgrims did and shook our heads that so many children miss that important part of the story.

A day or so before the Big Day, I took the kids for a nature walk up the street. Anything, to help pass the time till Thanksgiving would finally arrive! The boys and girls both were soooo excited!

This goofy guy (Misha) found a giant leaf which he declared to be a hat for our "POMkyin". Our pumpkin was sure to love it, he assured me...

...It did.

On Thanksgiving we went to my parents home where all my brothers and their families (except one) and my sister and her family were. The boys did fairly well playing with their cousins. This is something that surprised me. I thought that they would love to play with kids but they don't. It is something that they have had to learn. I guess that it is a trust issue; I don't know for sure.

Anyway, this time was much better. Vitali plays just fine now. Like a normal little kid. The other two are "quirky" at best! :-) (Vitali and cousin Simon)

Max tends to hoard toys. I forget to watch for this. I noticed that he would hold onto the toys he wanted--which just so happened to be his cousins') while he watched TV. I had to go and explain to him that he should choose an activity; play with toys or sit and watch television but that it wasn't nice to keep all the toys when he wasn't using them anyway. I saw his brow furrow with the difficult decision but Television won at that point and he set down the toys. His cousins really put up with him surprisingly well.

Why is it that TV casts such a spell? It did serve as a good way to keep the kiddos busy in the last moments before we ate. Misha didn't complain once about being hungry...
The children were all eager for the big dinner! Max liked everything. He is my best eater. He loves pretty much anything we give him. Especially meat and soup! Turkey was his "favit", he announced. He enjoyed sitting by his cousin "Eefin" (Ethan--also what he calls my brother Nathan, kind of a one-word-fits-many thing.)

It was a very lovely Thanksgiving.
We do indeed have much to be thankful for.
Praise the Lord.

How we do it: Part 3

2008-11-21T06:28:00.000-08:00

Here's an easy one:

(I know, smarty-pants--there are two yellow ones.
But one of them has a flaw so we can still tell the difference.)

Drinking glasses.

When we had only two girls in the house, I decided that my friend Heather's mom had the right idea. If you are just using your cup for water, you shouldn't need a new one every time you fill up.

So, we get our cups in the morning, letting the old ones go into the sink, and then continue to use the same cups all day. The kids know to choose cups of different colors so as to keep things obvious.

Think about it, with six kids at three or four cups each (low estimate) of water per day...well, you can do the dish-washing math yourself. :-)

How we do it: part 2

2008-11-19T09:22:00.001-08:00

First of all, I need to tell you all very frankly that I am NOT an organized person by nature! In fact, for those of you who have suggested such, all my family and childhood friends are laughing their heads off at the suggestion!!! Thank you for making them so gleeful. :-)

I have spent my life disorganized. I don't know about ADD. I refuse to label myself like that; it is probably way to extreme anyway. I will say that I have had to carefully think of ways to cope with my tendency to wander the house aimlessly working while somehow managing to accomplish nothing. I was, until the last few years, a moderate hoarder. Until I met Flylady, I never threw much away. I couldn't resist a good deal-- and If I found one, it made me hold onto that item forever. I know I am not alone!

I am much better now. (I am not as good at this as my sister in law, Lynn, but I am trying!) I resist bringing anything into my home that will just be clutter. Kitchen tools must multi-task! I like simple, clean lines. I will go without for a long time waiting to buy exactly what I need rather than buying things that might work. (you know how that goes; they never get used!)

My house is not, I repeat: NOT in perfect order. In fact, most of the time, it is not in order at all! There are often toys everywhere and the change of seasons swamps me with clothes. Right now, there is a laundry basket of clothes on my living room couch for me to sort through and on the floor My Little Ponies are threatening to take over that space. (I am coming back to add that the ponies have taken the living room.)

I do have the blessing of knowing that for a brief period of time each day, all the menial daily work that a small child can do has been done! That is why I love my jobs system. I can do the projects, like the clothes, attacking the laundry mountain, vacuuming and the like and have somewhere otherwise neat to begin.

Okay, I just wanted to say all that because If any of you ever drop by unannounced, I don't want you to be surprised by the actual state of things!
The End.

Today's topic is homeschooling.

I have had a lot of requests for how I handle this one. This is another area that I have had to compensate for my lack of organization in. My biggest blessing that has helped me so much this year is that Steve built in a bookshelf on which I can store our books. I used to keep them all over the place. One shelf of this is dedicated only to our daily books. Now, each morning after work and breakfast, I can easily grab that stack of books and put it on the table in the kitchen where we do school.

We try to start at 10:30 am. Usually,we get one main and one partial or light subject done before lunch. For instance, today, I began by reading three chapters (they are short chapters) of our "Pilgrim book" to the kids before we began. After that, we got started on Math.

I have six kids but only four are officially in school. Ivy and Vitali have worksheets they sometimes do and they listened to the reading time but they are free to go and play at any time. Three of the kids are in first grade work. (Max, Misha and Annette) Hannah is in fourth grade.

Even though three are in first grade, I purposely keep them on different pages. I found out early in the year that if Misha didn't know the answer, he had no problem looking at Max's paper to find it! Annette learns quickly and other than a little help along the way, she can get through her work on her own once I give it to her so she accomplishes more ground than the others each day.

So, how do I do it? Again, I have to compensate for my lack of organization. Here are some things I do. These may or may not work for you but they do for our situation:

I do not grade papers. What?! Yes, I do not ever grade papers. I used to try but just didn't get to it! So, what do I do? As each paper is finished, I look at it. I circle incorrect ones and send the kids back to fix them. If I notice that one child has trouble with a particular concept, I may give an extra worksheet with that concept on it. I do not keep a grade book and never put a letter on the tops of the pages. I home school independently and am not required to submit grades the the school system . I set for the kids the standard of 100% comprehension of concepts and so I do school with that in mind.
I do not do lesson plans. I know that I will not follow them! Nor will I get around to keeping them up so my method needs to compensate for that. Instead, when I get our books at the beginning of the year, I count the pages. I figure out how many pages need to be covered each day in order to reach the end of the school year having covered the required 180 days and finishing the books. So maybe I have a general all-year goal--but I don't call it a lesson plan.
I sit at the table while the kids all work there. I don't do anything else. I can't. The boys need me too much anyway. We take a good sized break at lunch time for me to do a few things and during that time, the kids go and play. Also, if I don't sit there with the kids, it is too easy for me to say, "I'll help you in a minute" and then never actually do it! (Keep in mind that homeschooling does not run from 9:00am-2:30pm like formal schools do.)
I don't get out much. I try not to sabotage our schedule by planning lunches with other friends or going shopping or doing errands. I know myself. If we don't just sit down and do it the same way every day, it will get pushed aside and forgotten!
I kill two (or three) birds with one stone. Like yesterday when I had Hannah use her Bible memory verses for handwriting practice and Annette write on her language paper about George Washington after skipping to that section in her history book and having her read about him.
I call it 'sneaky' but it does help them retain so much more.

If I think of more, I'll post it on here. for now, that is all I have. I just want to say though, that these things make me most consistent at the school stuff. Sometimes I can add more and sometimes, like on Wednesdays, for instance, we do a lighter load. My methods work for me because they are basic and affect only the core structure of how I work and allow me to build on them with relative ease.

Any questions? Ask! I am sure I left things out.

Melissa

How we do it: part one

2008-11-12T12:22:00.000-08:00

I think a good place to begin is with a disclaimer: I am not an expert, just a mom. I have six kids but I'm still new at it! My current methods have evolved and are subject to change at any time. What works for me,may not work for you so I will try to explain my reasons for my methods as I go.

It seems to me that the best way to go about this is to do it in installments. I will put all I can think of about each topic that comes to mind in individual posts. Then I will label the posts with the topic "how we do it" so that the posts can be gathered together with one click later on.

Also, if you think of anything you want to ask about--about the topic or other topics that interest you--please say so in your comments and I will try to answer them in this series of posts.

And without further ado, the topic of the day--

I debated about what to start with and decided to begin with my favorite thing instead of saving it till last. Our job system.(Vitali, age four, unloading the dishwasher)

It is important to begin at the beginning. I did not bring home three Russian-speaking boys and expect them to clean the living room the next week. I counted it as helping around the house if they didn't miss the toilet, for goodness sakes! We had a lot of work to do with the boys to get them to obey us (another topic--not sure if I'll do that one or not...) and it was all consuming for three weeks at least. Then for the following three or four weeks we were mostly consumed, followed by a couple more weeks that eventually and gradually morphed into days at a time where we would go to bed smiling and not completely exhausted. This period of time would certainly have been a recipe for failure for any attempt at structure in the area of housework. One day, after the storm had lifted and I was able to look around and survey the wreck of my routines, I was inspired with what is now our job system.

I should say that I rejected all ideas I had seen up until this point knowing that charts, rotation schedules, and the like would be disastrous failures for me. I needed something that required no maintenance on my part. No stickers to buy, no "Oh, yeah, it's Monday and I forgot to update the chart" business for me!

An adoption friend, Leslie, posted on her blog how she made a list of all the daily jobs she could think of and required the kids to each choose four a day to accomplish. I made mine a variation on this technique.

First, I started out like Leslie, I made a list. My children were all eight and under so the work needed to be appropriate for their ages. In making my list, I divided up some jobs. Like for instance, CLEAN THE KITCHEN overwhelms me and I knew that none of the kids could really do the counters yet anyway. So I divided that room like this, SWEEP THE FLOOR, and TIDY KITCHEN FLOOR, and CLEAR THE TABLE (breakfast). None of these jobs is all that hard in and of itself and I knew that could be key to our success.

Next, I got my supplies. Enthusiasm gave me focus and I put magnetic tape and magnetic adhesive sheets on my shopping list. Then, I typed, in easy to read capital letters, each separate job. I cut out and stuck these onto individual pieces of magnetic tape. In the end, I drew pictures on the tape too since only two of my six children could read English! Like I said, No maintenance for me!

Also, Most of the kids didn't even recognize their own names in print and in the interest of clarity and color, I had wallet sized pictures of the kids printed and I cut these out and stuck them onto the magnetic sheets. Even the littlest two. Can they clean the living room? Not alone, but I can go in there and do the job with them and be investing in my future and theirs too. One day, they'll surprise me and do the work themselves! For now, I am resolved to be joyful with their imperfection.

Each morning, and this has been fine-tuned, the kids do their Morning Routines: clothes on, teeth brushed, beds made, and THEN are allowed to go and choose their jobs for the day. This gives incentive to hurry and get the MR done so as to pick the favorite jobs! The oldest two each pick three, the middle two pick two, and the small ones are supposed to pick one. (They don't always pick and then they don't always do the job since their success depends on me helping but I am just planting seeds with them right now anyway) They "pick" by taking a job-magnet and placing it under their picture, like a mini to-do list.
When each job is done, this method still allows for a closing action (like putting a star on a chart or marking something off of a list does) giving a sense of done-ness. They simply take the job from under their picture and return it to the space above. When they are done, There is nothing under their picture.

This week, I added a feature. I put a star sticker on the main jobs or "big" jobs. I made a new rule that each of the four older children needs to pick at least one "star" job with his/her other jobs. This makes sure that the last picker isn't left with the biggest jobs. This was a stroke of genius. :-) It has smoothed out that wrinkle very well.

Obviously, I homeschool and we are home all day. We do these jobs in the morning but no one here needs to be out the door at 7:00am. This system may need to be tweaked to have separate morning/afternoon sets of jobs, maybe on different colored papers. (Pick yellow in the morning and blue in the evening, for instance).

We don't do jobs on Sundays, but we sometimes do an extra job each on Saturdays. It varies. I told the kids it would. I also told them that I may say in the evening, "would you please_________" and still expect a willing helper. I haven't had anyone say, "But Mo-om, I did my jobs this morning!"

And, I mentioned being joyful in imperfection when it comes to the littlest ones. This applies to the older kids too! One job in the list is "Surprise". That is one that is an unknown until it has been chosen. (Usually, it is unknown to me, too. And I scramble to think of something!) This gives me the option of getting something small done that I may not need done daily but that needs done that day.

Max loves to get "surprise". The other day, Misha and Max were doing all their jobs together and for the surprise job I gave the task of helping me clean my room. (poor bedroom, it can get so neglected!) this is what my bed looked like when they were done:

Perfect? No!

Done? Yes.

H a l l e l u j a h !!

Melissa

How We Do It: the teaser

2008-11-11T07:08:00.000-08:00

I have had a bunch of requests for me to let you know how we handle all these new challenges in parenting. I want to answer that but I am not sure I can get to it till later in the week. Until then, I am thinking on it and trying to notice the main things as well as the things we do without thinking about it.

One thing I'll tell you right now that works great is our chore system. I'll show you pictures of that when I post. The other thing that comes to mind is to admit right now that my housework, despite the chores, suffers! I have had to come to terms with that fact. In fact, before the boys ever got here, I planned on it. Life is stressful enough without worrying too much about what I just can't get to and still stay a sane mom!

Melissa

school time

2008-11-03T19:07:00.000-08:00

Some of the kids at the kitchen table working on schoolwork this morning.
Max (he wears the patch for lazy eye), Misha in the back, Ivy near the wall and Annette's shoulder and knee.

School started out rough for the boys, especially Max, but now they are doing well. Max and Misha are both in first grade books. I am trying to push Max through as fast as possible but he really started from scratch. He couldn't add or subtract at all. He didn't understand much of anything. He seems to have it now and things are really moving along for him and for that I am grateful! He is picking up reading pretty well but has trouble with the changing vowel sounds of English. Once he gets that down he'll just take off, I think.

Misha does pretty well at his work too. His handwriting is especially nice. He knows it and is proud to work at it, tongue sticking out with the effort. :-) His reading is choppier but he seems to have the vowels down and may overtake Max soon if Max doesn't pick them up fast enough!
(Max has the problem of having learned to read in Russian/ Ukrainian and is un-learning that at the same time as learning English letters.)

It is funny that they don't call their Math book "Math" they call it the "Giraffe book" because of the giraffe on the cover and their language book is the "Skunk book" for the same reason. They both groan when it is time to start school but they both usually ask to do more pages at the end of the day. They really enjoy sitting down to a task.

Vitali was so proud because I got out a "real" school book for him today and taught him to carefully trace the letters on the special lines. He was beaming! Ivy is working on learning to write her name and Vitali was so proud to be doing something she wasn't doing yet. He is really starting to "catch up" to being a four-year-old as far as his maturity goes! (that said, "maturity" still sounds like a funny word to use to describe Vitali!)

Sorry for the long hiatus in postings! I will try to do better!
Scroll down below this post and see the new pictures in the post below.

Melissa

Fun

2008-11-03T18:52:00.000-08:00

We enjoyed a fun weekend full of costumes and fun! Look at the boys on their first Lawn-tractor-engine-train ride!

Look how excited Misha is. Like a 10-month-old seeing his favorite toy or food!

Vitali rode "his" pony very proudly

Misha was a policeman. It suited his "authoritative" nature perfectly!!
(the others just call him bossy)

He is!

Spidermax.

Borscht recipe

2008-10-15T07:02:00.000-07:00

I have had several requests for the borscht recipe that I used. Unfortunately, I didn't keep it. I also didn't stick to it very well.

I can tell you how I found it online, though.
First, I looked for Borscht recipes with a search engine. Specifically, I looked for one I could do in a slow cooker. I ended up cooking it on the stove anyway because school was very demanding of my attention that day and I never got a free moment in the 2-3hour window of time that I should have been cooking! Such is life... anyway, I digress.

After finding a bunch of recipes, I compared them with my favorite borscht ever. And, that, interestingly enough, I had at a Ukrainian friend's house here in the States! Anyway, she told me that there are differing versions of borscht; that some have pickled beets and some regular (I think) truthfully, it could be that some have cabbage and some don't. ANYHOOO....

I knew the basic ingredients and what I didn't want: anything pickled! I also knew that it should cook a long time to really be good. So, I chopped veggies, tossed in some leftover potroast pieces and cooked away. In the end, I added more beef broth. When I served the leftovers, I added even more. We thought there were too many veggies. Not that we don't like veggies but just that we like the borscht a little brothier. (spell-check says "brothier" isn't a word; what do they know?)

I hope that helps!

Melissa

Family picture.

2008-10-13T17:44:00.000-07:00

I had all the kids draw a family portrait this morning for our school time (yes, we had school on Columbus Day! I forgot. And we wondered most of the day until Max's calendar activity on his math paper where the mailman was!) . It was fun seeing what the kids came up with. I mentioned before that Misha just usually draws whatever Max does but this time, he couldn't see Max's drawing very well from where he was and despite his initial concern of "How?", he dove in and got started, his tongue hanging out with all it's might!

This is his final product:
The thing that cracks me up is how well he portrayed his view of everyone. From left to right, Steve is in the back row (the black chest is chest hair. The shorts are swimming trunks. Misha is our sensory one, remember? The chest hair is a very prominent feature to him; He calls it prickly!); next is me, Mama. LOL!!! What's up with my hair?!! I am holding an ice cream cone and a flower. I also look like I am wearing Ukrainian-style tall boots!

Ivy follows me, her hair being the only in the picture that actually hangs down. Interesting, since her beautiful, long hair is really her signature feature. Max is next (after our house) and wearing his eye-patch and a sword. I think he also has a peg-leg. He wears an eye patch every day for a lazy eye. Next are Hannah and Annette. I am not sure which is which. I do notice that one of them has a big mouth. Hmmm...

Misha is that bald guy at the end. We asked him why he had no hair and he just said, "Me nee (not) I-want-it hair." And that was that.

My favorite is Vitali. He's the one in the water in the foreground. We have been having a cycle of misbehavior from him this past couple of weeks and, even though today has been a very good one, Vitali was in the water because, according to Misha, "Papa said get out of the water to Vitali and Vitalik Nee listen."

I just loved all the little clues into his mind in that picture! Hysterical how much of his own personality I see in his drawing! I am so glad I did this today.

Have a great day!

Melissa.

PS. I am just about to post all the kids' work on my regular day-to-day blog that I call "Life Here". If you want to take a peek, come on over!

Ukrainian night at our house!

2008-10-08T11:18:00.000-07:00

We had a Ukrainian night at our house recently. The boys were sooo excited!! Especially Max. He ate at least three bowls of Borscht, the most well-known Ukrainian soup there is. Beets give it and everything in it a slightly odd pinkish-red color. It has vinegar and/or lemon juice and that gives it an acidic taste which is softened when served with a dollop of smetana (sour cream).
Steve made my day by stopping on the way home from work at the international foods store and buying some other Ukrainian yummies: Sandora brand juice, a cold sausage and even some candy made in the very same factory that we lived over when we were in Kharkiv, Ukraine, where the boys are from!
I did my best at phonetically spelling everyone's names in cyrillic. If you read Russian, you may find that I messed up. Doesn't matter, no one seemed to notice!
We had leftovers on Sunday night. Max was so excited he could hardly stop hugging me! Very gratifying for a mom. :-)

Melissa

QUEEN is Awesome!

2008-09-29T19:01:00.000-07:00

Well this is one post I never thought I would write. QUEEN, the UK rockband performed at Freedom Square in Kharkov this last week and raised over 800,000 gr which is nearly $200,000 US dollars. The money was donated to the Green Forest Orphanage. This is the home where we adopted our boys. This is a massive amount of money for this orphanage.

Here is Queen live in Kharkov singing "We are the Champions!"

God works in mysterious ways!

A major thanks to QUEEN!

Nine Years Old!!!

2008-09-27T19:30:00.000-07:00

Today was Max's first birthday in America. Phew! Am I glad that is over!!! Just kidding! (sort of)

Max has talked of nothing else for the past month. "My Bootday soon, yes?" "27 my bootday, yes?" etc...
He has spent the last three days carrying around a composition notebook and writing lists of 27 random things, mostly our names, and asking me how to spell them all! I can promise you that I was about as ready for the big day as he was!!!

His favorite color is pink. It's funny because that is also my dad's favorite color. He wanted a pink cake but decided to opt for a dinosaur cake instead. I ended up making a volcano with rubber dinos prancing about all over it. They didn't seem to mind the hot lava one bit! A purple mountain and red lava icing, bridge mix boulders and one of those packages of sugar letters that say "happy birthday" that Max saw and asked for, a package of cheep-o dinosaurs and we had a fancy looking cake to make any first birthday party a fun one!

Three blows to blow out all the candles.
It's alright; he's had a lot of wishes come true for him this year.

It was hard to get pictures of the gifts because everyone
would crowd in just as we snapped the shots!
What fun!

Annette's gift to Max...Oh look! just what she always wanted!

Misha picked out the perfect gift. A gun that lights up
and--Heaven help us--Makes rapid fire shooting sounds.

Pra Dedushka and Misha.
(That's Great-Grandpa to us English-speakers.)

Hannah read the card she wrote to Max.

The Birthday Boy

All tuckered out.

Melissa

Going Well

2008-09-25T20:18:00.000-07:00

Things are going well here. The kids all continue to get along as though the boys had always been here. for the most part, the kids divide along gender lines only for certain times of play. The boys play cars, the girls talk dolls, that sort of thing. In general, we see them play together most of the time.

The weather has suddenly cooled just enough to draw everyone outdoors and we have started school a little late the last few mornings while I let the kids take advantage of the perfect fall mornings. Our driveway is on a hill and while this is something I used to regret, now I am grateful for it! The kids have spent many hours riding bikes down that hill! Remember Max's sneakers?

The last few days I have noticed the wagon hitched to the back of the play tractor. the wagon is full of dry grass clippings. Hannah tells me it is their hayride. Max is the usual driver and I have seen up to three kids piled into the back of his trailer depending on whether he is going uphill or down. :-)
Vitali and Ivy play most of the day together. They fight like little kids will, but they also love to be together. They are so funny! We just love the entertainment they provide! Here are a couple of pictures of today's lunch. Peanut butter and silly sandwiches.

Life is good. We are blessed. So very blessed. Praise the Lord!

Melissa

anyone know how to read children's drawings?

2008-09-20T06:47:00.000-07:00

I know that there are clues in children's drawings as to how they are feeling about different areas of their lives. I am not worried but I was thinking this morning as the boys trouped out to show me their artwork that Max always draws the same things. Misha always draws his own rendition of what Max draws. I think I know how to read Misha--extreme follower(?)

And to me, Max looks pretty happy with life in general.

These are some of Max's recent works. I haven't selected only my favorites, just a random sampling. And other than that cute little monkey, these are all very typical for him.

A church, a rainbow, a smiling sunglass-clad sun and a big tree.

A very freaky-looking smiling sun (I don't think the freakiness was intentional), a house, some trees, birds in the sky...

I love this one. It's a monkey. Hard to see but so cute.

Here is something typical for him: Christmas-themed pictures. Even in the orphanage when we went to visit him, he was always drawing presents and Christmas trees. That is Grandfather Frost (Like Santa) flying overhead, and of course, the ever present smiling sunshine.

Another house. Ours. I am pretty sure he drew this picture just to have a place to put that American flag. He loves American symbols. He also loves the Ukrainian flag, but rarely draws it.

This is Hannah. I think she needs to brush her teeth. :-)

Here's what I know:
Even though Max is eight, his coloring is more like someone younger. When he colors in a coloring book, he has only this past month or so started coloring things color-correct. In other words, his pictures before might have a purple sun, a blue cat, or one pink and one orange arm, etc...

He draws smiles, bright colors, rainbows and sunshine. I am guessing he's pretty happy in general.

He draws homes, houses, and churches. I don't really know what to make of this except that he always seems to draw them with a happy environment.

In a coloring book, he will usually choose pictures of a big animal with a smaller one, father son, sister brother, mother baby, etc...

So, If you are learned in this area (or even if you are not), give me some feedback! I'd love to hear what you think. I will consider anything you suggest. Like I said, in general, he seems pretty happy and content. He really seems to be enjoying family life. He's kind and gentle and loving particularly to the little ones.

Venting but smiling

2008-09-04T06:48:00.000-07:00

(Vitali: Age four. Cute. Trouble. Yes, that is a capital 'T'.)

I woke up weary this morning. No one to blame but myself for staying up too late. (I got a new book at the library.) I am promising myself a quick nap this afternoon...we'll see.

Vitali has been trying my patience lately. I think he has five-minute-willpower. And that is a generous estimate. For instance,

Me, the other day: "Vitali! Don't bang on the walls with your hammers. That is the third time this morning I have had to tell you." It was 9:30am. "You may not play with your hammers any more today."

Time passes. approximately four minutes. Vitali and Ivy are arguing.

Vitali: "I had it first!!!"

Me: "What?"

Vitali: "I had it my malleto!"

Yes, you guessed it. 'Malleto' means 'Hammer'.

Arrrrgggghhhh!

He was cute last night, though. I was singing with my little malinkees (small ones) in their bed. Vitali loves to sing along. His rendition of this one, complete with arm motions, is so .... so .... so "Vitali":

"Jesus loves me, this I know, for the Bible tells me so.
little ones to Him belong; they are weak but he is MUSCLES!"

Off to get ready for school today...
Melissa

Ugliest Camel Ever!!!

2008-08-24T19:16:00.000-07:00

I am downloading some of the video from our trip and this is a video we took at the Kharkov zoo. This camel was a monster!

I know you are not supposed to feed animals but in Ukraine you are encouraged and expected to feed the animals otherwise they might not eat at all!

Fish story

2008-08-24T19:08:00.000-07:00

A few weeks ago we went for our first time to our church's annual kid's fishing rodeo. We didn't think the kids would last the three hours from the first cast to the weigh in but at 9:00, nobody wanted to go home! For ten dollars total, we all ate, had a fantastic family outing and each of the kids took home an adult sized fishing pole for free!

The boys especially had fun and have been asking to go again. We took them this evening (Steve's idea) and had fun again. Would you like to see some of our pictures?

Vitali was pretty interested in the worms. Especially when it looked like they might be planning an escape!
Annette also enjoyed them. She has kind of sneaky grin here because she is getting ready to show Misha the worm that is in her hands.

Yes, he still freaks out about worms, apparently.Steve made him hold one. Misha always throws a fit before trying new things or even old things that he doesn't like but is proud of his accomplishments afterwards. See his dirty hand?

Steve, Vitali, and Misha peeking over, and through, the railing on the dock.

We did a lot of waiting....Watching our bobbers.... And replacing nibbled worms (Steve's department) .....I heard someone say once that fishing is called "fishing" for a reason. If it were easy, it would be called "catching".

We didn't catch anything.
Ivy and Annette started entertaining themselves by playing "house" with the little plastic lures in Daddy's tackle box.

Since our efforts were fruitless, we went over to Calhoun's, an on-the-water restaurant where people feed the fish below with starchy goodness left-overs from their plates. The carp that feed there are always lurking and are huge. This is one of those places where fishing can almost be called "catching".

After impressing the kids by reeling in a big carp, Steve helped Max pull one in too. Hannah also got to pull one in and they really enjoyed the challenge. Max posed proudly with his Dad so I could take a picture of his fish.
The kiddos are all tucked into bed and sleeping soundly and that is where I am heading too!

Thanks for sharing our fishing adventures with us!

Answering Questions on Fundraising for Adoption

2008-08-17T18:54:00.000-07:00

We get a fair amount of email asking about fundraising for adoption. I often start to answer these and then got lost in day-to-day life and don't finish. I am going to try and answer more questions on a regular basis. I am also going to try and lose that 20 pounds I gained during the adoption. We will see how both of those work out!

I hope that those of you in the process of adopting get something from this.

Tips on Fundraising for adoption

#1 For us the process of adoption was a "spiritual" journey. I am not talking about the esoteric things you see on TV but of a knowledge so deep about what we needed to do. Our pastor has a saying "If you know your why, you can live with almost any how." We knew our "why" in such a concrete way that we were not going to let anything stand in the way; especially a lack of funds.

#2 When raising funds for adoption the "why" is very important. If the "why" is you this makes things very tough. Very few people want to help out white, middle income, American adults achieve a dream of adopting a child. However, if that "why" is a lonely, lost child in a vile orphanage in Eastern Europe that faces a near certain untimely and unseemly demise, many people will be moved to action. For us our "why" was about changing three young children's entire earthly and potentially their eternal destinies.

#3 People are not DONORS! We talked about what our objectives in pursuing adoption were with anybody who would listen. We did this not in a way that expected them to open their wallet but in a way that we hoped they might see the need of 150,000,000 lost children and be moved to do something to help at least one. For us that did not necessarily mean partnering with us but more of making them aware of how deep and wide this problem is. There were many people who partnered with us financially and others who did not and that was fine. There are many good and worthy causes that are deserving of support and it is essential to realize this.

#4 Car washes, lawn sales, card sales, etc are not necessarily the best means for raising large amounts of funds but they show people that you are serious about funding your adoption. The goal for us in these type of fundraisers was to share the "why." There is a saying "God helps those who help themselves," this is theologically inaccurate but people do tend to help people who help themselves.

#5 We were totally sold on the idea. We cut every bit of fat from our budget. I shopped our insurance, we started using a gas rebate card and paid it off every month but saved the rebate, etc, etc. We had already saved a fair amount of our own money for this endeavor. We changed our lifestyle and cut out most of the recreational activities like going out to eat, movies, etc. (not all, but most.) These things helped prove to those around us that we were serious about what we were doing.

#6 We used a regular website for fundraising and not a blog to share our main objectives and had a fundraising thermometer on the site. One of the most important fundraising tools was this prayer card. We had 1,000 printed up and gave them out freely. This card was very, very important to the successful funding of our sons' adoption.

#7 The greatest percentage of our fundraising monies were direct monetary contributions. We were given small to very large gifts from several individuals. When you are looking at a direct budget of ~$40,000 plus the cost of accommodating three more children and up to two months of lost income; the costs were staggering.

In the end, we had saved out of our own pockets enough to cover all the lost income, make the necessary improvements to our home, purchase a larger vehicle and pay for a significant amount of the adoption costs. Different family members, my customers, church members, friends and even strangers gave generously. Since we have been home others have given even more that has been used to help pay for medical expenses, etc.

As you can see the success in fundraising for our sons' adoption came from individuals who chose to invest in us as parents for three young children. I cannot stress this enough; fundraising for adoption is not a technique! Techniques are cheap and manipulative. Absolute genuineness is required for a successful fundraising effort. For us, the words of Martin Luther summed up our hearts desire best, "God help me, here I stand, I can do no other." There were no outs, we were "all in" and fully committed.

I hope some of these ideas might help.

Best Regards,

Steve

Misha Telling His Story of Fighting the Ukrainian Boogeyman!

2008-08-12T07:56:00.000-07:00

By special request here is Misha telling his story about his fight with multiple Ukrainian Boogeymen.

Steve

Op-Ed by Steven Curtis Chapman

2008-08-07T09:36:00.000-07:00

Here is an op-ed Steven Curtis Chapman wrote on adoption for CNN.

Here is the location of the original story

FRANKLIN, Tennessee (CNN) -- According to UNICEF, there are 143 million children in the world who have lost one or both parents.

In America alone, there are half a million children in foster care, and approximately 120,000 of these children are waiting to be adopted. In many countries, children are too often orphaned or abandoned because of poverty, disabilities and disease; every 15 seconds, a child loses a parent because of AIDS. These are staggering facts that can seem overwhelming and discouraging, but I believe that God has a loving plan for each child, and that plan is you and me.

Caring for these children is not the job of governments or institutions; instead, it is the job of families, people and communities. As Christians, our compassion is simply a response to the love that God has already shown us. Mother Teresa would constantly remind those who worked with her that the Bible clearly teaches that whatever we do for the least of these, we do for Jesus. So in a very real sense, caring for orphans is a chance to meet the person of Jesus in "the guise of human suffering." This is an invitation from the heart of God to know him and to experience his love.

Nine years ago, my wife and my eldest daughter, Emily, traveled to Haiti on a mission trip. Having been exposed to extreme poverty for the first time, Emily returned home with a determined passion to make a difference in the lives of at-risk children.

Only 12 years old, Emily went on an all-out campaign to persuade us to adopt. She bought a book on international adoption with her Christmas money and would read it to us regularly. She began fervently praying and writing letters to Mary Beth and me, encouraging us to consider giving a waiting child a home. Emily knew God was leading us in the direction of adoption; however, Mary Beth and I were not yet convinced.

My wife and I had always supported the idea of adoption, and as Christians, we understood the importance of loving and caring for others. But what I had not yet grasped was that adoption is a physical picture of what Jesus has done for me. I did nothing to deserve God's love; in fact, I was living as an orphan, without hope. Yet God chose to pursue a relationship with me, and through the death of his son Jesus, I was adopted into God's family.

My wife and I began moving toward adoption with fear and trembling and asking all the questions people ask. I remember Mary Beth crying herself to sleep at night saying, "What are we doing? I can't do this." However, God kept reassuring us that this was the direction he was leading us. It was a huge journey of faith for us.

In May of 2000, we found ourselves in a hotel room in China's Hunan province, welcoming the newest member of our family, Shaohannah Hope. From that moment, we began our journey into the world of adoption, orphan care and Shaohannah's Hope.

We went on to adopt Stevey Joy and Maria. Recently, our youngest daughter, Maria, passed from life on this earth and is now safely in the arms of Jesus. We have been completely overwhelmed by the love and support of so many during this time of deep, deep sadness. Through all that we've experienced, one thing we still know is true: God's heart is for the orphan.

In our travels to Latin America, Africa and Asia, we have visited many different orphanages. If you look past the surroundings and into the eyes of the children, they all have the same look. They seem to convey, "I don't think this is what I was made for. Where do I belong?"

These children are crying out for the hope of a family, for the hope of community, for the hope of a permanent love. Our mission, and the mission of our adoption charity, Shaohannah's Hope, is to show hope to these children and to mobilize people, families and communities to be living examples of God's love for them.

We started Shaohannah's Hope in order to connect willing families with waiting children, but the reality is that there are many orphans who cannot be adopted. Even though we may not be able to bring them into our homes, we still have the opportunity to show them the hope we have.

If only 7 percent of the 2 billion Christians in the world would care for a single orphan in distress, there would effectively be no more orphans. If everybody would be willing to simply do something to care for one of these precious treasures, I think we would be amazed by just how much we could change the world.

We can each do something, whether it is donating, adopting, fostering, mentoring, visiting orphans or supporting families that have taken in orphans. You can change the world for an orphan

A great Summer in the Water!

2008-08-04T11:25:00.000-07:00

Our children have benefited from several of our friends and from our close proximity to the lake in that they have had loads of opportunities to swim! Shallow backyard pools to pools with deep ends and even those with diving boards, it doesn't matter to the kids! Water is water and there are a million ways to enjoy it!

We spent yesterday afternoon with some friends in the pool and I was reflecting back on where we started and how much has changed in six months since the boys have joined our family. from Misha and Vitali being terrified of bathtubs to Misha being unable to handle the stimulous of his first time in a swimming pool:
To this:
Our Friend Danny even gave Max and Misha a few little swimming lessons! Max managed to float a bit. Misha wasn't so hot at it but did really well diving and swimming with his face underwater.

Vitali had to take a nap for a while but when he woke up, he was ready to go!
Max has loved the water right from the start. He'll spend all day playing in the backyard in a foot of water! All boy!

Our first load of school books arrived today. The school year here starts next week. Hard to believe it, isn't it?!

How Misha tells a story!

2008-07-29T19:58:00.000-07:00

This is how Misha tells a story. Just substitute "ootock" (Like this) and "backman" for batman, and replace the word mugger with "bobka yoshka" (villian)

Was He Real?

2008-07-24T20:02:00.000-07:00

On Tuesday, Max, Misha and I attended the funeral of a 24 year old local soldier killed in combat in Afghanistan. Before we left I was talking with our children about this man and how he had died. This led to many different questions but the one that hit me hardest was this one; "Was he real?" This is a question I got from Annette, our 6-year old daughter.

It was with this question that I realized that in many ways the thousands of soldiers who preceded Corporal Hovater in death were in many ways "not real." They were simply headlines in the newspaper or a story on TV to me.

If you have never experienced the significance of a full honors military funeral please take the time to go.

The 22-year old widow sitting alone. The grieving mother. The snap of the guns in the 21-gun salute. The playing of taps. The presentation of the purple heart. The carefulness and respect of every movement by the honor guard. The shielding of the family by the Patriot Riders. The WWII, Korean, and Vietnam vets standing in solidarity. The precise folding of the flag. The finality of a "real" person who truly gave the last full measure of his devotion.

My boys asked so many questions and so many "whys." I wish I could have known Corporal Hovater in life but in death he taught both me and my sons incredible lessons on freedom, costs, and devotion. RIP in the arms of God!

Peace,

Steve

Surgery Update

2008-07-19T16:07:00.000-07:00

(edited to include pictures)

Max, Misha, and Vitali all went into Children's West on Thursday for surgery:

We had been quite concerned because there is a two phase recovery process that is used. With the boys we just did not feel this was the most therapeutic method for them emotionally. The mind of a hurt child processes things differently. Even though they probably wouldn't remember much from phase 1 we asked that we be brought in because these boys already have enough things they won't remember that will haunt them for a very long time.

We are blessed to have Melissa's parents nearby so the girls stayed there Wednesday before surgery and Thursday after surgery. Coordinating two surgeons, five procedures, and three boys is a tough task but this was done smoothly by the staff. The boys were scheduled as the last patients of the day and we were able to be with them until they were wheeled into surgery and with them when they came out. With us having three groggy boys coming out of surgery we had Melissa's parents helping. The girls stayed with our friends Kathy Melquist and Heather McElhaney who were visiting from New York.

All went smoothly. Max had a horrific experience with dental work in Ukraine and we were very concerned about this. He ended up needing all eight childhood mollers pulled. He has parlayed that into 8 consecutive nightly visits by the tooth fairy. Misha, our little sensory guy, did quite well. Misha loves to sing, has great rhythm, can dance and now has a great set of grilles after ending up with 5 crowns. Vitali had to have a recurring issue dealt with and he has been suffering the most. In recovery he peed on me and then threw up on both of us.
(Click on the picture at right to see a "before" of Max's worst tooth. Warning: If you are especially sensitive, you won't want to look)

The boys are all doing quite well now. We have been so blessed and continue to be blessed. When we decided to start this journey we were not sure "how" we could do it. The amount of money we have spent this last year has been staggering and we have done it without going into a dime of debt. I continue to be amazed by the generosity of so many people. I had two people approach me recently and gave unsolicited generous gifts and then Friday of last week after I had sent a $2,800 check for the dental portion and was ready to spend another $2,000 on Thursday to cover our deductible. A third person through some incredible circumstances told us she was sending a very large check that was just enough to cover both of these expenses. We did not share this need with any of these people much less the amount.

Every time I begin to question or become concerned about something like this I am blown away. We have been home now six months. The last almost two years have been an incredible trip. If I was writing a script I couldn't have created the scenario that has unfolded. I feel like Isaiah when he said:

"In the year that king Uzziah died I saw also the LORD sitting upon a throne, high and lifted up, and his train filled the temple. Above it stood the seraphims: each one had six wings; with twain he covered his face, and with twain he covered his feet, and with twain he did fly. And one cried unto another, and said, Holy, holy, holy, is the LORD of hosts: the whole earth is full of his glory. And the posts of the door moved at the voice of him that cried, and the house was filled with smoke. Then said I, Woe is me! for I am undone; because I am a man of unclean lips, and I dwell in the midst of a people of unclean lips: for mine eyes have seen the King, the LORD of hosts."

I have always said this adoption was not about us and I can truly say it wasn't. That being said I have received so much from this journey. I understand life in a totally different light. I have seen the best and unfortunately the worst of humanity. I have learned to be much more empathetic.

Last week I got to experience another incredible thing. Little Vitali has a dimple. This might seem like nothing much but when we came home he was a scrawny and angry rage filled child. The last six months has been tough. Not as tough as we thought it might be but tough indeed. In reality that dimple was always there but it was hidden under the rage and malnourished body of our little boy. For me that little dimple is priceless!( If you look closely, you can see Vitali's barely-there
little dimple that is just newly appearing!)

Steve

That's an idea...

2008-07-09T15:18:00.000-07:00

Steve told Max he'd give him some juice but first Max should
dump out the water left in his glass.

In all seriousness Max replied,
"Where? On Misha?"

Ivy wanted me to fall!

2008-07-02T05:30:00.000-07:00

Not taking ownership when things happen seems to be a common theme for Vitali and Misha but this latest one was a classic.

Vitali had been standing on the recliner in our living room when he fell with a loud thud. Ivy rushed right over to help the wailing Vitali and was comforting him. When we asked Vitali what happened and how he fell, Vitali said "I was on that, and Ivy wanted me to fall, and I fell."

Funny thing is, when I want Vitali to behave, he doesn't.

Steve

A day at the Little River

2008-06-30T11:33:00.000-07:00

...That's it's name. I just call it, "The Creek".

On Saturday we all hopped into the car and headed for The Creek. Everyone had a good time.

We found crayfish, caught some minnows, and the kids all had a blast riding down a channel someone had built of stones so that the water flowed through it a little deeper and quite fast. It looked fun and I wished it were deep enough for grown-ups!

Vitali and myself sat on the warm stones for a while so he cold warm up. He is so scrawny that he gets cold pretty quickly. (on a side note: we weighed him the other day and found that he has increased from 29 lbs when he first got here to 36 pounds. He's still really skinny so that should tell you something!)

Isn't he a little darling? I love this little guy!

You may remember Misha and his troubles with sensory issues. Those two words flow off my tongue so easily now that we have studied and worked hard to handle the strange behaviors and reactions that occur when you don't prcess sensory information in a healthy manner.

As I expected, Misha was worried about the creek. The bottom is covered with stones, the water is moving and chilly, there are visible fishlings swimming in it and water skaters zipping across its surface. Now, for those of you who don't know about this kind of thing, this next part may not sound very motherly to you.

Misha was worried but was tiptoeing along holding my hand. After a while I asked him what he was afraid of. "Slipping and falling into the water." he said. Not missing a beat I let go of his hand and gave him a gentle shove which sent his little life-jacket clad self into the two foot deep water. He popped right up and I smiled at him. "See?" I said. "It's ok to fall in! The water is fun!" He gave me a surprised look, smiled, let go and was off for a fantastic time. I never thought it would be so easy. He has improved so much!!

Here he is crawling into the channel to sail himself downstream for the hundredth time!
And here comes Max for another round. That's Steve behind him cooling his head. He was helping the little ones stop at the end of the channel so we didn't lose anyone further downstream!

The lovely Annette liked looking for crayfish. She never caught any, though. You kind of have to touch them for that. Unless you have a plastic cup, which we didn't. Look closely and you'll see she just lost one of her top teeth the day before !Ivy is our little dolly.

And here are all six, sitting a a fallen tree. Vitali was very nervous about the tree at first but then he realized he could handle it and decided he was pretty awesome to be sitting up so "high"!

Left to right are: Annette (6), Hannah (8), Vitali (4), Ivy (3), Misha (6), and Max (8).

Time to go!

Now, that was fun!

Melissa

In the Future...

2008-06-25T19:46:00.000-07:00

...Anonymous comments will be deleted unless I like what you say--then I may keep them. If you sign your name and I still don't like what you have posted, I may still delete your comment. It is our blog, our children read it as does our family; I am all for a good discussion (really!) but an anonymous virtual tongue-lashing will get you nowhere but dumped.

Sorry for the negative nature of this post ! My last post drew two people who seem to think that children in orphanages would be better off there than in families that do not suit the opinions of these self-appointed "Orphan Police". I deleted one, the other is still there.

Melissa

Ohhhh, Vitali!!!

2008-06-23T11:51:00.000-07:00

Our sweet little Vitali is known for his very short-term willpower. He really wants to be good but sometimes he just loses himself! Today has been an exercise for my patience.

Today Vitali has had two spankings, is wearing socks on his hands for the day to remind him that he is not a boxer, has had a dab of hot sauce on his tongue ( for lying), and had to spend some time in the corner. And that was all before lunch!

Ohhh, Vitali, I love you, you little sweet guy!!!! Someday we'll all laugh at the bald patches on my head where I have pulled out all the hair one to many times in exasperation!

I just have to keep remembering that even though Vitali is four, his maturity on any given issue can fall anywhere between that of an 18-month-old to a three-year-old. He is doing better all the time, though! And most of the time is sweet as can be! And often when he is bad, Steve and I have to turn away from him several times during his scolding to keep him from seeing us laughing. What a funny little guy he is!

Make sure to read the Father's Day post below. I posted two posts today. I have certainly been slacking off!

Melissa

Fathers Day for the father of six!

2008-06-23T11:36:00.000-07:00

Father's Day is so much more exciting with six children!! The kids all piled on Daddy in bed the morning of the big day. They had been eagerly awaiting the moment to give dad his treasures for three days and when the moment it arrived, it was an explosion!

... Superman boxer shorts from Misha, a hose nozzle from Ivy, a bag of goodies from Hannah, water shoes from Annie, comic book character pajama pants from Max and my favorite--this appropriately-worded shirt from Vitali, who can't read but nevertheless managed to pick out the perfect gift to remind Dad specifically of him:

What is it about boys and things with wheels!

2008-06-02T17:40:00.000-07:00

If anyone were to look at my front yard tonight, they would know that I didn't take any lawn-mowing pictures today! I took a bunch the other day, though. How could I resist? It was so funny!

We took our push-mower into the shop to get fixed and while it was there we asked about a rider. To make a long story short, Steve was quite the hero around here when it arrived! I mean, the boys were impressed that we had a push mower but now a riding mower? What could be more exciting?!

We live on about an acre of land and as Steve buzzed around the ever-shortening grass, Max was there, marching ten feet behind all the way.

The girls joined him once in a while:

But only Max stuck it out to the end!

He was barefoot and sweaty but as happy as could be!

And when it was done, everyone took turns going for a ride. Vitali practically shot off of the front step where he had been sitting while keeping a very close eye on the process! ( I am sure he would have walked the whole lawn too but we couldn't be sure he would stay behind the mower!)
What fun!!

Melissa